


There's a Thin Line Between Hate and Love

by uminihitori



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Actor AU, Friends to Lovers, Idiots, M/M, erejean - Freeform, i started this literally 5 years ago i'm. fuck dude get your shit together, i will finish this by the end of summer, i'm so fucking old i need to finish this so i can move on to my true form of writing, it's angsty tbh, kill me, modern au?, rivals to lovers??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uminihitori/pseuds/uminihitori
Summary: Jean Kirschtein and Eren Jaeger are sworn rivals in the acting industry. When they agree to co-star in a TV Drama scripted by the famous Rivaille Ackerman, they don't exactly realize just what they are signing up for...after so many years of harboring deep-seated hatred for one another, will they be able to reconcile and successfully carry out their roles...as lovers?...Just to be clear each chapter switches POV between Jean and Eren. Occassionally it may be the same person two chapters in a row!





	1. Scene I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first work (on here) though it's my second fanfic. 
> 
> edit July 2018: I started this at a tender age where I tried to write like the many, many straight (unknowledgeable) girls* who wrote gay fics so don't be surprised if some of it is not written amazingly well. Also despite being a Gay Boy i'm literally still inexperienced (I thought I would've had my first kiss by now...movies lied to me) so DISCLAIMER the buttsex is probably inaccurate (which is why I choose to focus on emotions). My knowledge of it comes from the same place as you, man. I'm worried that I'll die a virgin at this point.
> 
> \--Shiro

"Now, Eren, you have to behave!"

"Yeah, yeah."

I roll my eyes as my manager and friend, Armin, nags me about being on my best behavior for this big meeting with an renowned director, Rivaille Ackerman. He's offering one of the star roles in his new TV drama to me. Me, a teenage amateur actor (but quite a popular one, if I do say so myself) with explosive dreams. I've been acting since I was 14, so I'm not as experienced as some others, even though my rise to popularity was pretty quick. But I have Armin to thank for that. He's always trying his best for me, negotiating, and publicizing...he's the greatest manager I could ask for. He went through a lot of trouble to get me this meeting with Director Rivaille, to discuss my role...more like to discuss whether or not I'll get it. For some reason, I'm not allowed to know anything about the role until after I agree to it.

Honestly how hard could it be? A detective? A murderer? A tragic college boy who's life suddenly goes very wrong without him having done anything?

I'm fine with any role he wants to give me, as long as it's fun and I get better publicity than Jean.

"Eren. Don't make a fool of yourself," the voice of Armin's assistant pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, Mikasa, I will."

Mikasa was about my age, always silently mothering me and standing up when I was beat down and insulted during filmings. I had to stop her quite often from beating people up and saying rude things to my haters in my place.

The drive to the building was a rather long one, so I took the time to get out my textbooks, looking over texts in my phone sent by Connie. Since I was away from school so much, well, I was away all the time, but Connie kept me up to date on the things we were learning. I'd befriended him back when I'd had time to go to school and wasn't travelling all over the place for my roles. Since I don't have time to actually sit in school, I'll either learn on my own or Armin will hire a temporary private tutor.

When your acting takes up your life, you kind of forget what grade you're supposed to be in. I'm sixteen, so that would mean I was...a second-year in high school?

It's a tough life I lead, man.

I'm not exactly the brightest person either, so learning on my own is proving to be difficult. We pass a poster board and I see Kirschstein's face plastered on it with his smug ugly smirk and I groan just at the sight.

Jean Kirschtein is someone I've known for a long time. Much too long, if you ask me. He's a shitty horse-faced jerk that likes to think he's better than me. Just cause he's a few inches taller and a few months older doesn't mean anything! He's so goddamn full of himself, you can even see it in the way he walks. His eyes are this ugly poop brown and he's jealous of my bright blue green ones. He doesn't say it, but I know he is. He's not even that good-looking, how did he become an actor? He's got a horrible personality, always picking fights, playing dirty, being unfair. I hate him. And yeah, I know hate is a strong word.

That's exactly why I'm using it.

The driver announces our arrival, and Armin has me stay in the car.

"Remember, Eren...you need this role. If you want to beat out Jean in terms of popularity, you need to take this role, and execute it perfectly."

"Yes, Armin, I know."

"Eren," Mikasa warns.

"I'll be good, Mikasa, I promise!"

"Director Rivaille is not a man of patience, Eren. Don't test him. This could be your chance to really really wow everyone. Okay?"

"Yeah, I got it, alright?"

I look myself over, then step out of the car, looking up at the glossy building of Titan, one of the largest acting companies known to Japan. Just looking at it intimidates me, and the fact that I'm heading to the top floor to meet one of the most amazing directors of this generation...wow.

Armin and I walk inside, while Mikasa heads off to take care of a few personal errands. I gasp at the interior decorations. The building is really beautiful. There are so many big name people here, actors, their managers, directors...it's amazing.

"Woahhh! Armin, this place is gigantic!!" I can't help but feel giddy and childish.

"It's so spacious here!!"

I get a strong urge to run around and jump on those really soft looking couches. Ohhh, I bet you'd just sink into them.

"Eren..! Be professional!!"

I immediately stop gaping and smiling like a doofus and look at Armin sheepishly.

"Right. Sorry..."

Armin goes to the desk and checks us in for our appointment. We're a few minutes early, so we head up the elevator.

Armin follows the directions given to us, and I follow him down the hall. We stop outside the designated door that has the words, "Director Rivalle, 3:00"

"Hm, well you were early. Your co-star should be here--"

I open the door, seeing a broody man in a suit, looking in my direction with a blank face.

"Ah, there you are."

I look around the nicely-furnished room, curiously.

"Hello, Director Riva--"

"Jaeger?! What the hell are you doing here??!"

That voice.

That stupid, ugly voice.

I turn my head to see Jean Kirschtein occupying one of the chairs that are facing the director, and his manager sitting behind him. I scowl.

"I'm here for the biggest role I've ever gotten!! What about you, horse-face!!"

"I'm here for a main part in a drama! So you can take your leave, Jaeger!"

"Well so am I!! It's my part, so get out!"

Jean and I glare at each other, creating extreme tension in the room.

"Look, you're both the stars -- if you agree to do the roles, that is -- of this drama. On your own, the two of you are phenomenally popular, albeit Kirschtein more so. Together, as co-stars, the two of you could tear this whole acting business apart. 1,745,239. Do you know what that number is for?" Director Rivaille asks.

"No, Director, Rivaille."

"That was rhetorical, Jaeger, and I go by Levi. That's the number of tweets from girls, women, etc., that ask and beg to see the two of you acting together. They're screaming for it. And so, I wrote and scripted this drama specifically for the two of you. But if you do not wish to take part, I can find other actors."

I listen intently, thinking it over in my head. Working with Jean can't be insufferable. If it's to please that many people, then I don't think I'll mind.

"These roles are going to be difficult. You're going to have to really work your asses off. It's not something either of you have done before. But with these roles, you'll need to abide by my rules. All. Of. Them. And you're partners, of a sort, in this drama. But I need you to agree to everything beforehand. Once you sign, there's no quitting. I completely understand if it's too much, and one of you wants to back out--"

"Give me that paper, Director! There's no way I'd lose to a horse-face like him!"

"You'll never beat me, you swamp eyed freak!" Jean yells at me.

Without looking at the contract twice, I sign my name on the dotted line and hand the contract to Director Levi. He smirks, looking down at the paper somewhat creepily. The jerk hands over his contract too, and Levi motions for the two of us to sit.

"This idiot better not mess up my flawless character."

"Yeah? You picking a fight with me, horse-face?!" I yell

"Damn right I am, you shrimp!!"

Jean starts pulling at my hair and I stretch his face with my hands, angrily.

"You bastard! I'm not a shrimp!!" I yell.

"Yeah, you are! All tiny and pink with giant eyes!!"

"My, aren't you two cute," the director interrupts.

"HOW SO??!!!" Jerkface and I exclaim in unison.

"...Aren't you two dating?" He says.

"ME??! DATING HIM??!"

Director Levi goes through his desk and pulls out a bunch of papers. They're print outs of my tweets about Jean, and his insults to me.

"I thought you were dating because of these."

"What?!" I exclaim. "This just makes it clear that we hate each other!"

@ erenjaeger  
I spotted an ugly horse face on the street.

@ jeankirschtein  
Why is there a green eyed monster in my house

@ erenjaeger  
i'm not fond of horses at all

@ jeankirschtein  
aww, look at this cutie he thinks he's more attractive than me

@ erenjaeger  
i hate you, kirschtein

@ jeankirschtein  
the feeling's mutual, @ erenjaeger

"I thought it was obvious that you were in a relationship."

Jean and I look at Director Levi, dumbfounded.

"Where do you see that...?" Jean asks.

"If you add little heart emojis to the end of each of these tweets, it sounds like you're just teasing each other playfully."

I look at Levi, searching his face. He's being completely serious.

"Well sorry to ruin your fantasy, but we're not dating. Never will be." I say.

Levi chuckles.

Like we're oblivious children that have missed something big, and I don't exactly like the sound of that.

"Right well, you may not be lovers in real life," he tells us.

"I'd never go for some ugly short kid like him."

"You're three months older than me, Jerk, three months!" I shout.

"And I'm not short!!"

"You are."

Levi stands impatiently.

"Well, before we start discussing the roles, do either of you have any further comments to make?!"

I turn my gaze from Jean to Levi.

".....Director, you're shorter than I imagined." The words fall out of my mouth before I can think, and I hear Armin facepalm from the back of the room.

Levi looks at me like I'm mince meat.

"Jaeger...you're the bottom."

"Pardon? Bottom of what?"

Levi smiles, but it's fake and unnerving.

"Good news, brats! You've got the jobs. Now, as for your roles..."

Jean and I wait in anticipation excitedly.

"You're lovers. Congrats Eren, you get to be the bottom."

I start laughing so hard tears fall, and then I realize that I'm the only one laughing. Jean is frozen. He blinks twice.

"Wait, you're SERIOUS?!"


	2. Scene II

The flight here wasn't too bad...I just had to listen to Jaeger singing some songs very poorly at the top of his lungs while he made overly dramatic faces. I managed to catch a taxi before swamp-eyes because he was too busy arguing with some local about which flavor of ice cream was best. He's so childish.

The place Levi got for me looked nice from the outside, It must've been one of his private summer homes or something. There was a note on the door that said I was strictly to use the first floor only, because he 'didn't want my filth' in his other floors.

I didn't know what possibly could be on the other floors, as this one had a 2 bedrooms (both were nice), living room, couch, TV, bathroom, and kitchen. There was even a fridge and stove. If I really wanted to, well...more like if I were able to, I could bake myself cookies since there was also an oven. There was even a grand piano in one of the rooms, which I found strange since Director Levi didn't seem like the type to play.

I hear the door unlocking and assume it's Marco with my things.

"Woooow!"

I know that annoying voice.

"You're in the wrong place, Jaeger."

Bluegreen eyes set on me, and immediately he scowls. Geh, I hate this guy.

"But this is the address that was given to me. And the key opened the door."

"But we were given different keys!!"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize that I wasn't given a spare. And neither was he.

"Here. Both of you have keys to your place. Don't mess up anything."

He hadn't said 'places', he'd said 'place'. Like as if we were to share it.

"...Oh. That's why there are two bedrooms," I mumble, mostly to myself.

"Oh, I see," he says.

He sounds a lot less irked by it than I thought he would be.

"This half of the floor is mine, horse-face!!" He yells, after drawing an imaginary line with his foot.

Ah. Of course. I should've known. I look up to examine where he drew the line.

"Hey!! That's the half with the kitchen!!!" I spring up to my feet.

"Exactly!"

I shove Jaeger back against the wall, my hands on his shoulders.

"Look, I'm not saying I wanted this, but we're living together now!!"

He pulls a face at me.

"You're creeping me out, horse-face."

I close my eyes, annoyed. I'm not being creepy.

"Look, you need to suck it up and quit whining."

"Haaaah? That sounds disgusting."

Jaeger continues to make a face at me as if I'm repulsive. I swear I can feel veins popping out in my anger.

"Hey, swamp eyes...do you want me to kill you?" I say grabbing his shirt.

"Go ahead and try, bird-brain!"

I let go of Jaeger and back off.

"No, I'm not doing this with you. If we have to live together and act like lovers, we might as well at least try to get along."

"Kirschtein, I don't need to like you to act like your lover." Eren pushes me away and heads to his room.

What the hell?!

. . .

"Jaeger, I'm hungry."

"Complain to Marco about it."

"....Can't you cook something?" I groan, laying my head back against the couch.

"How do you know I cook??" He suddenly sounds upset.

"Ah...didn't we have a duel or something back in middle school?" I ask, nonchalantly.

"W-well, yeah, but I didn't think you'd remembered. Hell, I only just remembered myself."

I sit up and smirk at him ruefully.

"Of course I remember. You won. You were so happy, you rubbed it in my face for a week. But I was bitter, because honestly, it was the best food I'd had...and you looked cute boasting about like that."

Cute? I mean sure we were kids then, but is my head screwed on straight?

"Kirschtein, please don't ever call me cute again. I'm shuddering in disgust."

"Relax, swamp-eyes. If I come onto you, it's for acting." God, what's he so uptight for?

"....Did you really like my cooking?" He asks, slowly.

"Yeah, I did! Though I wouldn't have ever wanted to admit it...it seems so insignificant now."

Come to think of it, why do Eren and I hate each other? It seems like it's always been that way.

"...I'm going to the store, but it's not because of you. I was getting hungry anyway."

Eren grabs his keys and heads to the door.

"Wait, shouldn't you at least look up where and what the nearest grocery store is?"

The boy turns back to face me, smiling kind of sadly at the ground.

I feel a weird sort of pang in my chest.

"Don't worry, Jean, I know my way around."

Like I'd worry about you! I want to say, but he's already gone. What was with that smile?! I always thought Eren was just a spoiled brat that didn't know when to stop. And he's been here before? When?

Maybe I really don't know a thing about Eren...

Wait. Why am I even thinking about him! I should be emailing the director or something and asking about tomorrow's meeting, or...I don't know.

Just not worrying about swamp-eyes.

. . .

"I'm back."

"You're not welcome back."

"I'm making your dinner, horse-face! At least be polite!"

I flip through channels on the TV while he starts cooking, the banging of pots and sizzling of food being heard.

"Oh yeah, this is yours," Eren says to me loudly from the kitchen.

I turn around and he gestures to the dining table with his head, still facing the stovetop. I walk over to it, and spot the cup of iced coffee.

"This is my favorite drink. ....Did you poison it?" I question, skeptic.

"Give me some credit. I might hate you, but without you I wouldn't get this big chance, okay?" He says, angrily stirring the caramelized onions and steak together.

"You're being weird. First you get me my favorite drink, and now you're cooking my dinner. Are you in love with me? Because that's really gross." I'm sure I look disgusted.

"I'm not, you narcissistic...! You know what, I won't even bother. You'd be lucky to have someone like me in love with you." Eren sighs and tosses a few more vegetables and spices in the pot.

"Besides, you're not my type."

Well, of course not, I'm a guy--

Wait. Wait wait wait.

"Eren...are you, er...gay?"

His small back stiffens, and for once, I see his face go red in something other than anger. Like, red to the tips of his ears.

Again, there's a weird pang in my chest. As though I've been...hit with something?

"U-uh, I...I'm not really sure. I still like girls, but..."

"Awe, don't worry about it, shrimp." I ruffle the brunette's hair teasingly.

"Don't treat me like a kid! You're the one that's depending on me!"

As if to make a point, Eren turns off the stove and shoves the stir fry into my face. I'd be drooling if I were a child.

"Fine. Thanks. I'll be in your care, swamp-eyes," I tell him begrudgingly.

"And I'll be in yours, horse-face," he replies while getting our plates.

Eren and I sit across from each other, I'm about to take a bite, when I feel Eren's gaze on me.

"What?"

"Nothing!" Eren glares, then looks to the side. "I just...wanted to know...if... if it tastes okay..."

He trails off like he's...a child trying to impress their parent.

I roll my eyes. " I haven't even taken a bite."

"I know! I was waiting for you to," he huffs.

Seriously, he's so snappy.

I brush it off and take a bite. It is good. So good I either want to throw it and say he's a terrible cook or tell him to be my wi-- personal chef.

Because I absolutely hate Eren Jaeger and would never even jokingly tell him to be my...

Yeah, no.

It's just weird cause I'm learning things about him...more like realizing I don't know anything and sort of becoming a little curious.

"Hey, Eren, this is kinda random but...do you know what my favorite color is?"

He looks up at me blankly.

"No. Why should I keep track of your likes and preferences? It's not like I'm your wife."

I nearly spit out my drink, coughing violently.

"No, I don't expect you to do that, I was just thinking...We've known each other for a long time, right?"

"Yeah. Since what, age 9?"

"But after all this time... I actually know nothing about you."

He stares at me indifferently.

"I didn't think you cared to know."

I feel heat run to my cheeks.

"I-I don't! Just...I figured since, we are living together now I might at least get to know the basics...or something like that." I say. I don't care about Eren's favorite colors or foods. It just...

Maybe we could stop all this fighting. Be...uh, friends?

Okay. I actually can't picture us getting along at all.

"There aren't 'basics' when it comes to people, Jean. There's layers. Depending on who, there could be hundreds. They could be an open book and have only one or two. Getting to know someone is so much more complicated than you'd think. You think you know someone, and then...you realize you never knew anything about them at all."

Eren pushes his food around on his plate, mindlessly. He looks dejected. Sad. Where did that answer come from? I was just trying to...be friendly?

"I didn't mean to ramble, ahaha!" He suddenly perks up, his usual enthusiastic self again.

"No, you're right. I guess...it might be nice to get to know you, Eren."

"Maybe. Give me your plate, I'll clean up."

"I can do it."

"I don't think you can. You seem pretty incompetent."

"What?! I take it back, Jaeger, I absolutely positively don't ever want to get to know the real you!"

Eren laughs a little, smiling brightly.

"You really don't."

Thunk! Once more, there's that little stab in my chest.

The real him? Who ever said he was fake?

. . .

"This is the team."

Levi gestures to the people sitting around the table, while Eren and I sit in the middle, across from each other. There's about four people each on either side of us. There's a couple of other actors I see standing around the room. I guess Eren and I are the only ones to sit since the story revolves around us.

Correction: "us".

Levi introduces the cameramen, assistant director, prop people, etcetera. I kind of tune myself out until I hear the word 'script'.

"Right. This is a draft for the first scene. And here our outlines of each character's personality, likes, dislikes, majors, favorite places, supposed height & weight, type...it's all there."

I look over the scribbles under 'Hamasaki Kazuya' and see that he's the quiet, straight-laced type but he relaxes and even jokes around with Mitsuru. Apparently he's always been a little confused about the guy, but after that night, he...

I look up to see Eren studying his character intensely, mumbling things to himself.

Hold on. Rewind.

What _'night'??!_

I discard the personality paper, tossing it to the side, and scan over the script for our first episode. Episode 1, Scene IV.

The one-sentence outline above the actual script reads,

"Kazuya and Mitsuru get drunk and have sex."

What?

W H A T ?!

I clear my throat awkwardly. I know I'm an actor, but...

_What?!_


	3. Scene III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lights, Camera...Action!

A sex scene.

A sex scene?!!

I can't even look at Eren on our way back from the meeting. I didn't read the entire script, but am I supposed to get intimate with him??

Wait, Jean, stop freaking out. You've done sex scenes before.

Though those were with girls and I didn't hate them.

"Jaeger," I say once we get inside the doors, "Did you read the script?"

"Yeah, I did."

Uh, I wasn't expecting an answer like that. He doesn't even seem bothered. And as far as I know, Eren hasn't done sex scenes, let alone have his virginity taken.

"It doesn't bother you to do that with me?"

"Oh god, Jean, what the fuck?! Never would I let you touch me like that."

"But you seemed so indifferent just now."

"Yeah, that's because it won't be me doing all those things. It'll be 'Kimura Mitsuru'. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't even been kissed yet."

"Wait, you mean, what about in movies and things where you've--"

"I detach myself from my roles."

So what he's saying is this won't affect him one bit. He's not going to feel a thing because it was 'Mitsuru'. I feel kind of...upset.

Not upset upset, just...I can't completely detach myself from characters. Usually the people that can do that are geniuses.

And Eren certainly isn't. I've seen his acting. He always has the same type of role. Cheery, enthusiastic, and naive with a little bit of charming clumsiness. Which is almost exactly how Eren is all the time.

With the exception of the word charming.

" 'Detach yourself', yeah right. Just watch you're going to fall in love with me or something."

Eren smiles wryly.

"I wouldn't count on it."

Rude. That's offensive, you know. Even though never in a million years would I fall for him, it still stings a little.

Sharing a bathroom with Eren is kind of strange. It surprised me this morning to see two toothbrushes in the holder. And more than one towel. At least the director made sure there were different colored ones in order for us to differentiate.

"Are you cooking, Eren?" I tell, too lazy to walk over to his room and ask.

"Ah, I ordered takeout, if that's okay. You like pizza, right?"

Well, yeah...but who doesn't?

"If you expected me to get something specifically suited to your tastes, sorry, but I'm not sorry." He yells back.

The bastard read my mind.

Okay, eating dinner with him is weird too. It's just the two of us, so I don't exactly know where to look. Seeing how he interacts with others, you'd think he wouldn't stop talking, ever, but he's actually really focused on the script.

"Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?" I ask.

"...You don't have to force yourself to talk to me."

"Did I say I was?"

He looks up from the script, and at me. I'm really pissed. Why can't he at least engage in a civil conversation with me?

"Alright, horse-face!" He beams. "You ask me questions, then I'll ask you. My favorite color is red."

"Green. Uh, do you have any hobbies?"

"Acting," he says sarcastically.

"Smartass."

"Assface!" He raises his voice.

"Piece of shit!!" I find myself smirking.

"Damn horse!!!" He tries hard to hide his smile, failing miserably. He even bursts out laughing.

Thunk! Again. The pang. Hitting my chest. What the hell is that?

Jaeger's laughter is contagious and gets to me. Then he stops abruptly upon seeing me, as if he just realized who he was laughing with. He blinks twice in disbelief and I watch him turn from his normal pigment to a pinkish one.

"Sorry, uh...that was, I...don't really know," he clears the dishes once again and heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

No really, what was that? I furrow my brow. Me, having fun with....Eren?

There's no way we'd get along. Ever. I hate him. He hates me. That's...that's it.

I mean he's just...unbearable. He's really obnoxious. With his stupid cutesy voice and big bluegreen orbs and plain hair...

Did I say cutesy?

. . .

"Okay, let's go from the top." Levi calls out. Eren and I have taken our places on the couch of some luxurious house Levi rented for the drama. Basically, for this final scene, Eren and I are celebrating having survived our first day as college freshmen and steal his dad's bottle of wine. We get drunk, I mean smashed, and then one thing leads to another and...yeah. I haven't even run over this with Eren. We just practiced separately, meaning we weren't able to do most of the scene.

Wait, wait. Not 'Eren and I', it's 'Mitsuru and Kazuya'.

It's a bit awkward to go to your floormate and say, "do you want to practice that sex scene?" I mean, I highly doubt they'd film anything too revealing or explicit. I mean, a gay-themed drama is rare enough as it is, despite yaoi being such a popular thing.

No wonder Levi wrote this; he'll probably make loads.

"Action!"

Eren whoops goofily.

"We survived, Kazu!! We're officially college guys now!"

"Of course we are, Mitsuru. It'll be a lot of work, though."

'Mitsuru' pushes up his glasses cheekily.

"Oh, come on, let's celebrate!! Relax for once, Kazu!" He smiles brightly at me.

My face softens upon hearing his request.

"I mean, look at this." He lowers his voice, smirking mischievously as he pulls out a bottle of expensive wine from behind his back. "I stole it from Dad."

"Mitsuru!" I say scornfully. He shushes me and tries to open it, failing to.

"Let me do it, you're clumsy."

'Mitsuru' sighs, defeated.

I open the bottle while he gets another for himself.

"You're going to drink the whole bottle?" I ask, incredulously.

He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. "Of course I am, Kazu. You are too!"

"But we're not even of age--"

"Just break the rules, will you?"

"Fine, fine." I lift the open bottle to my lips after opening his bottle. 'Kazuya' has a soft spot for this guy, they're best friends. So, I need to look at him like he's dear to me.

Mitsuru and I make small talk, and suddenly get quiet.

"...Hey, Kazuya."

"What is it?"

"...I'm kinda self-conscious about this thing..." He looks up at me, face flushed, red, as if he really is drunk.

"Hm?"

"...Have...Have you ever had sex with anyone?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Really? I was almost positive you'd screwed all the girls you dated."

He turns his body so it faces my direction. I angle my body to face him, too.

"No, Mitsuru, those were just rumors."

He looks into my eyes.

"Good, cause I haven't had sex either!" He laughs. He really does sound drunk.

In his laughter, he falls back and I reach over him to grab the bottle in his hand, ensuring that it doesn't spill on the carpet.

In this position, I'm hovering over his small frame. My eyes, which were focused on the bottle, now meet his gaze.

"You know, Kazu, I...I've never kissed anyone..."

I take the bottle out of his hand, and set it on the coffee table. Then, I stare at him. And he stares back. My head is spinning. Did they actually give us alcohol?

Then, at the moment when people would think it's not going to go any further, I kiss him softly. When I pull back, his big, seagreen eyes are staring back at me in lust and embarrassment.

A moment later, I crash my lips onto his, and he tangles his hands in my hair. Fuck, isn't he still an amateur? When I pull away, he looks at me seductively with half-lidded eyes. Following the script, I take his house shorts off, discarding them to the floor.

"We should move to the bedroom," he whispers.

I nod and crawl off of him, but as soon as he gets up, he starts kissing me again, and presses me against the closest wall. He pulls my shirt off, tossing it to the ground.

Then I take control, kissing him as he stumbles back until we hit the door to 'Mitsuru's' bedroom. He keeps moaning into the kiss like he's...actually into it or something.

"Ka...Kazu..."

Shit. What's with that voice?

"I'll be gentle, Mitsuru." I say my next line, and push the door open, closing it behind me. Eren-- 'Mitsuru' takes off his own shirt and now he's merely in boxers while I'm still in jeans.

I stare at him in what I hope looks like passion, and he gazes at me, nervous. He's red to the tips of his ears but it seems to be in a good way.

"Kazu...ya..."

Thunk. Again, that weird little shot in the chest.

What's with that face, dammit?!! Even I'm blushing!! Wait no. I'm not blushing, Kazuya is. Because Kazuya kind of always liked Mitsuru a little more than he should've. Oh, man, here it comes. Actually Jean, it doesn't matter, because you're acting. Yeah. Acting.

"Mitsuru...you look cute."

Well shit, that's not one of my lines.

I kiss him anyway, and when he opens his mouth wider, I use my tongue and taste his, internally cringing. I think. He moans and I feel heat run through me for a second.

A second.

Really, what the hell is with that voice?!

I move my kisses down his neck and wait for the cameraman in the room to stop filming. Even they seem to be embarrassed. Just look at him. Actually squirming and arching his back.

Thank god from this point on we just have to use our voices. Eren-- Mitsuru-- starts moaning again.

"K-Kazuya...wait, your finger...! F-feels...weird..."

I pull away from Jaeger and sit up, facing him.

"I don't want to hurt you too much, Mitsu. I have to prepare you."

"A-ah! Wh-what was...that...?"

Oh my god. He...his face. It's not just his voice, he actually looks like he's...like he's turned on. He's so red. His eyes have gotten teary. He looks so vulnerable.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Three of them. I feel like I've been shot.

Eren continues to whimper and moan, and I literally cannot take my eyes off of him. Even now, he's completely in character. I don't think he even knows I'm staring.

"I'm going to put it in, okay?" I say.

He makes a sound of affirmation, then groans in discomfort. Honestly if I wasn't sitting in front of him, I seriously would've thought he was getting it up there.

"I-it's...big, Kazuya..."

Hey. Is this actually going on TV?

"...Can I move now?" The words are coming out my mouth, but I'm not even thinking about them. I can't stop watching Eren.

"M-mn." What kind of yes is that?! It's so...UGH!

"Ahh...! Ka...Kazu...ya..."

Is this even in the script anymore?

Eren continues to moan, and somehow, his face gets redder, heating up if he's really...he's actually doing it. His breathing shallows, and I'm sure mine does too, but not for the purpose of this. I'm really fucking uncomfortable.

"Ah! Ahn~ Th-there..."

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Now I'm red. How the hell does he do this? He's embarrassing me and I'm not that easily flustered. Yeah, I'm still acting flawlessly, but my mind is a mess.

When is Levi going to yell cut?!

I don't think I can handle taking another one of those moans. My ears. Since when does he sound submissive? Actually, wait I've sort of seen it, but...but...

I didn't know he could be like this. I have to close my eyes as he gets louder, reminding myself repeatedly that we're acting. I'm chanting it like a mantra. Since Levi doesn't seem like he's going to do anything about it, I take it upon myself to stop this. So, I just moan excessively loud so the brunette gets the message. Eren cries out a second later, then starts gasping and panting.

"Cut it." FINA-FUCKING-LLY.

I let out a sigh. Eren falls back onto the bed, genuinely exhausted.

"Eren?" I crawl over to the boy, and shake him. He's passed out. "Eren!"

Levi walks in a second later. He looks from me to the passed out Eren and back to me again. A few others, like Petra and Mikasa walk in as well. Armin-san peeks around from the side of the door, red.

Realization dawns on me. They think we actually...

"I didn't do anything!!"

"..." Both Mikasa and Levi glare at me, and I worry that I've just shortened my life span.

"I'll deal with this later. Next scene."


	4. Scene IV

"Action."

I feel movement on the bed. It's too early. Someone sits up, and wriggles their arm out from under me. The movement stops suddenly, and I let myself relax.

"...Shit." I recognize the voice as Kazuya's.

I brush it off and let myself drift back to sleep, vaguely hearing the sound of a door being slammed shut.

"Cut it there. We'll fade from the previous scene into this."

Cut it? Cut what?

"Eren's still passed out." Kazuya says.

"I didn't do anything, I swear on my life!! Like he'll I'd be attracted to swamp-eyes over there!!"

Swamp...eyes...? Oh. Right.

That's not Kazuya, it's Jean.

And I'm...Eren. Eren Jaeger. I sit up in the bed, not caring that I'm pretty much naked in front of all these people.

"So I'm done pretending to be horse-face's lover for the day?"

The director gives me an odd look.

" 'Pretending'. What did you even do in there?"

"Nothing, I swear! He was just sitting there, making that voice." The idiot says.

"What voice," I retort. "You make it sound like it was disgusting! Well I'm not exactly fond of your 'sexy voice' either!"

Not that I really remember it.

"Shut up, swamp-eyes!"

"...Did you really not do anything? You were going at it pretty hard when the cameras were running."

Mikasa glares in Jean's direction.

"I'm a professional actor, of course I was 'going at it pretty hard' even though it's Eren." I say.

"...More like because it's him." A voice sneers.

"He didn't do anything. I'm just a genius actor, is all." I say, arrogantly. I get myself out of the bed and and put on the clothes I came here in. Jean is dressed in what 'Kazuya' wore last night.

Most people would say this genius is a gift. Is that really it, though? Actually losing myself in my characters...is that a good thing?

"Like hell you are!!" Kirschtein yells.

"...Levi-san, can't we replace him?" I whine, talking about him as if he's not in the room, let alone next to me.

"No. The fact that it's the two of you is what will get me the most money."

Damn mercenary.

"If anyone leaves, it'll be you!"

As if I'd leave! This job is my big break!

"Hah?! You shut up, horse-face!"

"Swamp-eyes!"

"Pain in the ass--!" I quiet for a moment, blood creeping up my face and turning me red. Jean doesn't throw an insult back, and I see the tiniest bit of pink on his cheeks, too.

"So they really are...?" Petra whispers.

"LIKE HELL WE ARE!!" Jean and I exclaim simultaneously, turning our faces to her.

"Look, Levi, they're even in sync!"

"Quiet, Petra."

At least the director understands that we're not together. He pulls out a pad and starts writing.

"I wonder how much money I could make off of something like this...."

So much for that...I look to Armin, and he flushes awkwardly and looks away. Mikasa continues to glare at Jean. I look up at the guy to see he's breaking a sweat. He looks really uncomfortable, as if he's fearing for his life.

"Hey, assface!" I hiss, "if you look like that then of course they're going to think we're dating and that we've just had our cover blown!"

"Shut up, okay? I just...I'm tired. I can't think straight."

He does look really distraught.

"Levi-san, can we call it a day?" I say.

"Don't say it as if it's for my sake, idiot!"

This guy...!

"How narcissistic can you get?! It's not like everything I do is for you! I actually would like to go home myself and cook our dinner already!"

Gasps are heard around the room. What are we, a sitcom?

"Ah." Levi steps in suddenly as if reciting a line.

"Before you get the wrong idea, I'm forcing them to live in the same place, 'cause I'm too cheap to get them separate ones."

He steps out of our way as if to say, 'you may continue'.

"I'm going to go home, Levi."

The director turns his attention to me, and glares. Or perhaps that's his normal expression. The corner of his mouth turns up slightly, in a smirk.

I want him to...wait, Eren. Gross.

He's a guy. Moreover, he's got to be at least ten years my senior.

"Are you getting cocky with me, Eren?" he asks.

Shit. Uhhhh, okay, I need to calm down. But the way he said my name just now...I feel my cheeks start to burn.

"N-No! Come on horse-face!" Before the director can take a second look at my face, I grab Jean's hand and head off the set.

"Hey, Eren! Let my hand go, it's gross!"

I snap back to my senses, letting go of his hand.

"Right, sorry. You're straight. Haha, that's not even the issue, is it! It's because you hate me..."

Why does he even hate me? I always used to just accept the fact...No that's not it, I was just...denying that it bothered me.

I have no reason to be bothered, that's how it's always been.

"Eren, are you okay?"

I turn back and smile brightly.

"I'm okay, I'm okay."

Jean quiets, staring at me for a bit too long.

"What? I know I'm hot, but the staring is a bit excessive." I joke.

"...You don't look okay."

My smile falters, but only momentarily.

"You're still going on about that? I said I'm fine!"

Ugly-face grabs my arm.

"Eren."

"I-I..." I stutter, heat creeping up my face. What do I say?

"Please let go."

"Do you...are you crushing on someone?"

"N-NO! No way!!"

It's more like I just want him to have his way with me, but...

"...Okay...We'll talk more at home."

'We'. When did that happen? Since when does horse-face give a damn about my feelings?

. . .

"...The food is good," he says.

"Heh. Of course it is; I made it."

"So, about earlier...I didn't mean to pry; I was just curious. Sorry."

I look up to find Jean pushing his food around on his plate.

"Huh? You don't need to...apologize for that of all things..."

"Would you think I was a creep if I said I wanted to know more about you?"

What? Um. That's definitely weird.

"Probably," comes my automatic response.

Wait, I didn't mean to say that.

Jean stares at me, looking like he just got stabbed. He looks so stupid I can't help laughing at his face.

"Sorry then. Forget it." He says.

I stop my laughing and continue to eat.

"I meant it when I said you wouldn't want to know the real me."

"Does....'real' mean the current you is fake?"

I pause, giving him one of my signature bright smiles.

"Who knows?"

Jean puts his dish away, but comes back to the table again.

"...Do you play any instruments?" He asks.

"Piano. And guitar."

"I can sort of play the guitar, but I'm no good at piano."

I don't know what to say back. I'm no good at talking when people want to talk about me. There's so many things that people wouldn't want to know about me, because it would ruin the image they have. I especially have a hard time answering questions like, 'how are you'.

Well what answer do you want, the truth? Or how you want me to feel?

"What are your favorite songs?"

Hah! That's a good one, too. My favorite songs tell too much about the kind of person I really am.

"Eh, I don't know," I respond. "I like a lot of music."

"...Okay. Movies?" He asks.

I look down at my plate. This is embarrassing. He's even leaning forward, too. I don't meet his eyes this time, feeling my face heat up. I look to the side awkwardly.

"Di...Disney," I mumble.

"Urk."

"I know it's childish!! Don't laugh."

Jean shakes his head, holding his hand over his heart.

"N-No, it's...it's not that. Did you...feel anything just now? Something just hit my chest really hard." He winces slightly.

"What, like an invisible arrow?" I spout on a whim.

"Ah!! That's exactly what it felt like!" He looks at me, animated all of a sudden.

I laugh.

"You look unbelievably stupid like that, horse-face."

"But I'm being serious, green-eyed monster!!"

I hold my stomach as I double over in laughter.

"Cupid. Cupid's arrows." I manage to chuckle out.

"Wh...what?! That's impossible! No way would I ever...in my life...like...someone...l-like..." Jean trails off, watching me laugh at his idiocy. He's probably annoyed.

I finally catch my breath, and look up. As soon as our eyes meet his face turns into a scowl.

"I hate you!" He yells.

Where the hell did that come from?? My mood sours immediately, and I throw his outburst right back.

"I hate you, too!" Geez. What did I even do?

Stupid horse-face.

"I'm going to bed!" He says.

"Fine!" I yell.

"Fine!"

"Good. Night!" I storm away to my room while he stomps off to his.

. . .

_"I'm sorry, Eren."_

No. Daddy, wait.

_"I made a mess on the floor, ahaha."_

_"C-can't you fix it? You're a doctor, right? S-so...you can make it all better?"_

_"I have to go."_

Don't.

Don't leave me.

_"You promised!"_

_"I know I did, Eren, and I'm sorry."_

_"B-but mom's sick too!! Who's...who's gonna take care of us?"_

_Tears roll down my face as I kneel over my dying father._

Always...I'm always getting left behind.

_"Daddy...please don't go!"_

_"Tell mommy I love her when she wakes up, okay?"_

_"No! I don't want to! I don--!"_

"--n't want to!!" I yell.

I sit up, gasping. Tears are in my eyes. I'm alone...just like always.

I don't want to be alone.

Water blurs my vision before I can stop it. Tears spill over and I try to wipe them away quickly.

In the dark, I navigate my way over to Jean's room by walking slowly and touching the walls. I know I hate him, but...I don't want to be alone.

I can't be alone right now; I'm too scared.

"J...Jean?" I call, trying to quietly wake him.

"Um...Jean," I say a little louder, walking into the room.

"Whaaat," he moans, sleepily, turning to face me.

Blood rushes up to heat my face.

"I...I had a nightmare..." I feel my cheeks flush with color. "And..."

"And what," he replies in a "get on with it" tone.

"I can't go back to sleep without...without someone beside me, so..." I glance at him while my face is to the side.

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Urk." He grabs his chest again.

He looks at me and lifts up his blanket.

"Hurry up."

I crawl into his bed and lay beside him. I really hate how he's got a good 5 inches over me. Makes me feel short.

"Um, Jean?"

"Mm?"

"Th...thank you," I say.

"Yeah, whatever." He turns his back to me.

I sigh and close my eyes once more.

. . .

"Mm..." I moan slowly, opening my eyes just a crack.

They snap open when I see that my head is buried right in someone's neck. And they kind of smell nice...w-wait.

This is Jean's bedroom. Oh crap. His hand is...on my waist. His thumb is touching the bare skin on the side of my stomach. Um...okay, what do I do?

I try to wriggle away, but he only pulls me to him tighter, like a body pillow.

Shit, my heart is racing. I can't think.


	5. Scene V

"Jean..."

"Lemme sleeeeeep!" I hug my pillow tighter, throwing my leg over it.

"J-Jean, I'm not a pillow, and we have to go on set today!"

I groan, finally opening my eyes, and I see that my pillow is actually not a pillow at all.

It's Eren. And he's really red.

_Thunk._ Okay, those are not Cupid's arrows!

"Woah!! Sorry, but _why_ are you in my bed?" I ask.

"Because! I had a nightmare, remember?! So you said I could sleep next to you!"

"Oh. Right."

I just slept with Eren.

"I guess we just both rolled over in our sleep and then we ended up like that..." His face is crimson.

"Anyway! If you'd be so kind as to let me go, then we could hurry up and get on set before Levi penalizes us."

"That man seems like such a sadist."

Eren laughs awkwardly.

"R-really..."

Is he blushing? He's scratching the side of his face.

"...Eren, are you feeling awkward about yesterday?"

He gets out of bed and turns to me.

"Oh. That. No."

...Why do I feel offended? Shouldn't matter to me if some actor my age, moreover a guy, wasn't affected by having a make out session with me.

Plus, it's _Eren._

I don't pay much attention to the clothes I'm slipping on. And Eren kept avoiding my questions last night. I mean, it's not like they're a big deal, I'm just curious. And that stupid thing about Cupid's arrows.

That's not...

"Jean. Are we going?"

For _Eren?_ Of all people. I'm not even into guys! Though he does have a pretty face...

"Jean, hurry the fuck up!" The monster yells at me.

"Shut up, swamp-eyes, I'm coming!!"

. . .

At least today, we don't really have to do anything. Eren has no idea about my feelings, so we're supposed to continue on like normal.

I mean Mitsuru and Kazuya.

Man, why am I having so much trouble separating this role from myself? It pisses me off that Eren does so mindlessly.

As if on cue, Eren turns to me, smiling brightly.

"Hey, Kazu, where are we headed?"

This idiot wants to be in character even before we arrive. I play along, looking at him seriously.

"Mitsuru, you need to face forward when you walk. You'll run into someone."

At that moment, he backs into the director.

"...Hey, brat. Watch it."

Eren's face colors a bit and he smiles sheepishly.

"S-sorry. I'll be careful next time."

"As long as you understand, Eren. Now stop goofing off and get on set."

I smack Eren on the back of his head.

"Yeah, Eren, be serious."

"Who's Eren?" he asks innocently.

Of course he's going to be a smartass.

In the next episode, after Kazuya's run out, Mitsuru wakes up with a terrible hangover and no memories of the previous night. Kazuya feels relieved at things not having to change between them, but finds himself becoming more aware of Mitsuru anyway.

. . .

**"Hey, did anything happen last night?"**

"...No! No, we just drank. A lot," I say into the cell phone.

**"Ahh, that explains the headache! Though, for some weird reason I'm kinda sore. I must've slept funny or something, Kazu!"** The voice on the other end laughs.

"...Yeah, maybe. I'll see you at school."

I hang up the phone before anything else can be said and hold my chest in confusion. "...What is this?" I mumble to myself.

Throughout the scenes, I do my best to make myself blush at things that would usually be normal to Kazuya, like Mitsuru putting his arm around him, or getting a silly smile from him. I keep looking away and telling myself that I've just gotten a little confused because of that one time.

"Hey, Kazu...you're acting kind of strange today."

"It's the same as always," I say.

"Maybe you have the same indifferent expression, but it's like you're...acting weird around me. Did I do something?" He says.

"Not really, it's just...I..."

'Mitsuru', at that moment, turns and I watch his face turn pinkish. I look in the direction of his gaze.

"Oh, that's...Hitomi," he says.

Eren looks like he's in awe of the girl, and I get an odd feeling that I've seen him make that face before.

"Cut. I want to redo the next to last scene." the director's voice rings out.

I stand up and go to my chair to flip through my script.

Right. This part is where Mitsuru and Kazuya talk like normal, which is overly friendly in my opinion.

"Kazu, what are you doing?"

"Nothing. Getting a drink."

"Ahaha, you're so cute, Kazu~"

I look down, clenching my script, seeing that the lines have been changed. Levi wrote them just a few minutes ago, apparently.

"Y...You're cu..."

_You're cuter._

"You're not cute at all!" Oh crap, it just came out.

"Eh? You're so mean, Kazuya!" Eren fake pouts, continuing to stay in character even after I've messed up my lines. Even after Levi has cut it.

"Stop doing that, swamp-eyes!"

"Kazu...I thought you said my eyes were...pretty..." He trails off, confused. He blinks a few times.

"Eren, stop acting already!!!"

Eren rubs his eyes, then looks up at me, disoriented. His eyes come back into focus.

"Ah...sorry. I lost myself again, huh..."

Lost himself? Was he really that into his character?

"...What do you mean?"

He doesn't give me a straight answer and instead dodges the question.

"Congrats. You've been the first one to pull me out of limbo." He smiles at me, and it's a big smile, but...it's so...

_lonely._

"Okay, we're taking a break." The Director calls out.

"Eren." Levi walks over and gets on his knees in front of us, the same brooding look as always.

"It's nice that you become your character, but don't go overboard and cause trouble for everyone."

Eren nods, looking down at his lap.

The director stands and grabs Eren's hair, pulling his face so that they're eye to eye.

"You listening to me, brat?"

Eren makes a face.

"Y-yes, sir! I'm sorry!"

Levi smirks at him and ruffles his hair.

"You might be a brat, but you're kind of a keeper. Keep up the good work."

Eren stares after the man in awe. He must be surprised that he got praised--

Wait. That face he's making. It's the same one he made when he was acting.

Does Eren...have a crush on the director? He said he didn't have one but...he really was flustered.

"Hey Eren!"

Eren looks up. The girl playing Hitomi, is standing in front of him, smiling. This actress, Christa, is known for being cute and pure. She _is_ cute, but I'm not sure her purity is anything more than an act.

"Oh. Hello, Christa!" He smiles.

I wonder when it was...that I started noticing his smile was fake. I want to see him really smile.

Is that normal? Am I supposed to desire that? I hate him, don't I?

I don't like having to watch them get along like this, and I head over to them. The director stops me.

"Kirschtein, you need to separate your personal feelings from work. I don't care if you hate Eren, but do your job properly."

"Yes, sir."

I look over to where Eren is only to find him already staring at me. The director walks off, and Eren's eyes follow. Then his eyes meet mine and he blushes.

_Thunk._ His eyes are so big. And innocent looking.

Ah, wait. What am I thinking?

I feel a pair of eyes glaring at me and I shiver, knowing they belong to Mikasa.

"Hey Eren," Christa says, "Why did you become an actor?"

His face looks anguished for a nanosecond, then he puts on a bright smile.

"For the money!" He says.

What kind of answer is that?

. . .

"It was kind of tiring today, huh?" I say, opening the door.

"Yeah. In fact, I think I'm going to take a nap. Get some groceries and wake me up when I need to cook dinner, okay?"

"Sure."

While Eren heads to him room, I decide to sit on the couch. I see a binder on the shelf. I don't remember it being there when I got here.

I open it. It's a photo album.

These pictures...are they of Eren? I see a child with big green eyes and a bright smile. He's holding his father's hand. It's surprising. These pictures...they were taken... _here._

His smile at that time...that was a real smile.

As I flip through, I see Eren's growth progress, from a toddler, to a young boy, to a preteen. But at one point, there are no more pictures of Eren with his father. That's when...his pretty smile starts to falter. He looks a lot like his mother. And at thirteen, there's pictures of him...alone. They're all self-taken. And from there, a few with his friends. There, his smile is just a little more fake.

But the most recent ones, from six months ago. He looks like he wasn't aware they were being taken. There's one of him sitting on the windowsill, staring out at the view of whatever there is to see. Looking lost. And the last one...

he's in a hospital, at someone's bedside. His mother's. It looks like she's in a coma, or sleeping.

_"Why'd you want to be an actor?"_

_"For the money."_

The money. Money...to pay his mother's medical bill...?

I get up and grab my keys, and phone, heading out to get groceries.

"Eren, I'm leaving!" I call out.

I don't really expect an answer, assuming he's asleep. I wonder when I started calling him 'Eren' instead of 'Jaeger'.

Thoughts about Eren plague me as I drive to the store, and I end up only half paying attention to what I'm getting.

That guy...he's putting on a front for us all.

_"Does that mean the current you is fake?"_

_"...Who knows?"_

I do. When he fights with me, what is he really thinking? When he says he hates me...does he mean it?

Hey...what should I care? He's an idiot. He's really stubborn, too.

Why am I thinking about him, anyway! I've spent the entire trip and back doing so.

I turn off the ignition and get out my car. I open up the trunk and get out the groceries. Instead of just getting what we'd need for a few days, I decided to get things like cereal, and multiples of fruits, veggies, and meat for cooking. Weird. It's like I've already gotten used to living with him and it's only been a few days.

I manage to take in all seven bags in one trip; difficult, but a struggle I am willing to go through for my pride and honor.

After dumping all the bags and catch my breath, I listen out for Eren. He must still be asleep. After slipping off my converse, I walk over to his room, getting ready to knock.

"Mn..."

Hold on a sec. When he said he was tired, he didn't mean sick, right?

"...Ah...!"

Wait. He's not...

"Hah...! Di..Director..."

Oh my god.

"L-Levi..."

Shit. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. That goddamn voice. I need to move. Move, Jean, fucking MOVE.

I'm frozen in place. His moans are really muffled now, but they're not any less erotic.

Wh...what the hell?!

I can't even cover my ears.

"Ahh...Levi...!"

This is really frustrating.

Both sexually and emotionally. I don't know why, but...it kind of annoys me to hear him call out for that broody, smug-faced director. The other thing that annoys me...

is that I'm half-hard.

"Mn...a-ah! Nn..!"

God, this fucking pisses me off. Why am I reacting to something like this? And...he's a guy. My heart stops as I hear him let out a long moan.

That goddamn _voice._

Instead of risking Eren opening the door to find me standing there, I knock loudly and ask when he's going to get his lazy ass started on dinner.

"...In a minute..." comes the strained response.

...Why is my heart beating so fast? I feel so hot...and angry.

I want Eren to...say _my_ name instead.

Wait.

Am I jealous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asldfhrgmklsd i honestly feel so embarrassed after writing anything pervy or whatever yikes...hahaha hope you enjoyed though!


	6. Scene VI

Shit. Oh god, I hope he didn't...hear me.

_Shit._

There isn't a bathroom in here. How the hell am I going to wash my hands without...him noticing?

...Though, I guess he'd understand. We're both guys after all...

Ugh, that doesn't make it any less embarrassing!!

I open the door to my room with my clean hand, and run over to the kitchen sink. I sigh heavily once my hands are clean, and turn around to see Jean stuffing food inside the fridge hurriedly.

"Jean, what are you doing?! There is a _system_ in this house!" I walk towards him, rearranging the groceries in the fridge.

He looks at me and his face reddens.

"I was just trying to help out a little, you green-eyed monster!"

"Hah? I thought we established that I do the housework and you run the errands!"

"You could let me cook too, you know!"

"You would poison me!" I yell.

"You're the one poisoning _me_ with your...your face, and your voice, and your body, and...your entire being!" He bursts.

I look up at him and smile.

"...Thanks."

"Wait, Eren...I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." Why is he apologizing? I didn't say it bothered me, right? And I'm smiling, so...

"I bought some movies...if you like, after dinner, maybe we could..." He says.

"Sure! What'd you get?"

"Well...you said you liked Disney, so...I got _the Princess and the Frog, Mulan,_ and _Big Hero 6_."

My eyes widen in surprise.

"Those...Those are some of my favorites." I mumble.

"Really? Even _Princess and the Frog?_ "

"That one's the cutest! Or maybe it's the one with Baymax..." I bend my arms so that my fists are held close to my chest as I become excited.

"I-I really like that part where they dance together, and then Naveen starts to realize his feelings for Tiana! I think it's nice how he used to be a player and then when Tiana comes along, it's like all he can see is her."

"Urk."

I look up after hearing Jean make a pained sound, and I realize how childish I must look. I stop myself.

"Oh! S-sorry...I got carried away..." I look to the side, scratching the side of my face, embarrassed.

"No, i-it was cu--fine...!"

I laugh awkwardly.

"If you like it so much, why don't we watch it together after dinner?" he asks.

I blush, angry at myself. I showed my weakness to my enemy, dammit.

"Y-yeah...I'll get started on dinner now."

As I start on the chicken alfredo, Jean sets the table and puts away the movies in the TV stand. It's still funny to me, living with someone else. Well, someone else my age.

And with Jean, of all people. He's so cocky and rude...sort of. I guess he's...not as bad as I thought.

"Erennnn, hurry up, I'm hungry!"

"Shut up, horse face!! Pasta takes a while to boil!"

I take it back. He's worse.

"Well, _I'm_ not the one that took forever to get out of my room!"

Jean walks over and starts mincing the garlic.

"I was--!! Okay, fine. You're right."

Yeah, I hate to let Jean win arguments, but that's probably a lot better than admitting I was masturbating. And fantasizing about Levi, of all people.

Goddamn it, Eren, he's _old._ Probably at least twenty-five. And for all I know, he could be married.

"Is something wrong, Eren?"

Jean's voice comes from right behind me and I jump.

"N-No, I was just thinking."

"About your mom?"

_Mom._

I can't believe I was fussing over something so insignificant when my mother is...

"S-sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay. I take it you saw the photo album Armin brought? I don't know why he insisted I keep it here...it's not like anyone will go looking through it. Well, at least, I didn't expect anyone to." I look at him and he smiles sheepishly.

"I was curious...you used to be so cute; what happened?"

"Ugh! Don't distract me, douchebag, I'm still cooking!"

I drain out the pasta, then put it in a saucepan, adding in the alfredo sauce and bits of chicken and tossing it around.

"...My mother taught me how to cook. She's always had a weak immune system, so I'd have to end up cooking the meals sometimes."

"Oh."

I don't really know why I'm saying any of this to Jean, but I continue talking anyway.

"She's....sick, to say the least. Last year...she was hospitalized. That's when I started getting really serious about my acting. We're were able to live comfortably with my Dad's inheritance, but...we definitely didn't have enough to pay for her hospitalization. So I...started asking Armin to let me take anything I was offered. Commercials, Ads, even cross-dressing gigs...though of course a lot of it never went public. All the money I make, I put it towards the bill. I thought she was getting better but recently...um..." I feel something wet run down my cheek.

"Recently, she..."

Jean reaches over me and turns off the stove.

"It's alright, Eren. You don't have to say anymore. Why don't we go ahead and eat?"

I wipe my tears and smile.

"I'm not hungry but, you can go ahead!"

He studies my face for too long, then smiles faintly back.

"I actually wanted to start the movie, if you don't mind."

Liar. He's the one that's been complaining about being hungry over and over until now. Still, I make my way over to the couch in the living room, and plop down on it. Jean presses play, and sits beside me, but not exactly close.

I let a small smile reach my lips, the familiar opening tune calming me.

No matter how many times I watch the movie, I find it funny that Naveen tries to woo Tiana with no luck in the beginning, and shrugs it off when he realizes he won't get anywhere.

I still laugh at the joke Naveen makes about his butler finally 'getting into the music' when a failed dance session has his head end up in a tuba. Even horse-face seems to be enjoying it. He gets up, and comes back a few minutes later with a bowl of popcorn.

"You can't watch movies without popcorn," he says, smirking.

Idiot. If he's hungry, he should just eat already.

I ignore his comment and reach into the bowl anyway. Movies _are_ a lot better with popcorn, but I don't plan on thanking him for it.

As the movie progresses, I find myself not minding Jean sitting so close to me, when just a short while ago I would've rather sat beside a dumpster.

"Oh! Here comes my favorite part." The words leave my mouth before I can think about it, and I shut my mouth in embarrassment.

This is the part where the firefly, Ray, sings about his love for a lovely firefly, Evangeline, who is actually a star. But the reason I love it is because Naveen realizes his feelings here, when he and Tiana dance together.

_Look how she lights up the sky,_  
Ma Belle, Evangeline,  
So far above me, yet I  
Know her heart belongs, to only me. 

I find myself humming the tune, and am surprised when Jean gets up.

_J'adore,_  
"I adore you."   
J'taime,  
"I love you"  
my Evangeline. 

_"Just translating!!" Naveen says hurriedly._

"You know, I kind of wanted to take French to see if someone would say that to me," I say.

_You're my queen of the night,  
So still, so bright..._

"Well, if you love this scene so much, why don't you do it?"

His hand is reaching out to me.

"B-but I don't dance," I say.

"You don't have to pretend to be Tiana, Eren."

Heat creeps up my face.

"No, really. I...I'm too clumsy."

"Shut up and just dance with me, okay?"

Jean pulls me to my feet, and starts waltzing around and twirling me.

" 'If I can mince, you can dance'," he says, copying Naveen's line. Except he sounds cockier and not exactly sweet.

_To someone as beautiful as she,  
Who loves someone like me,_

The idiot continues to slow dance with me, and despite wanting to scowl at him, I find myself struggling not to smile.

_Love always finds a way, it's true,  
And I love you, Evangeline._

I step on his feet accidentally, multiple times, but he doesn't say anything, like I'd expect him to. He just continues to twirl and spin me as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Why am I the girl?"

He smirks at me. "Because you're the one that doesn't know how to dance."

_Love is beautiful,_

He spins me away from him.

_Love is wonderful,_

Spins me into his chest.

_Love is everything, do you agree?  
Mais Oui!_

I can't help it and start laughing. I feel like some kind of idiot, but it's not necessarily a bad feeling. It's kind of...warm, actually. He dips me dramatically, and I can't stop myself from giggling.

_Look how she lights up the sky,_

I open my eyes to find Jean looking at me kind of oddly.

_I love you, Evangeline._

The song ends, and Jean lets go of me, dropping to the floor.

"If you're so exhausted you collapse onto your hands and knees after a slow dance, then you're really out of shape," I say, disapproving.

Jean clutches his chest.

"My...my heart..."

"Do you need a doctor?!" That's ridiculous, he can't be having a stroke or something, right??

"No! I-it's nothing." He looks up at me. "I'm fine."

Is...is his face red?

No, it must be the lighting.

And just now, I was...I had fun. It might have been a two or three minute song but I...

really had fun.

For the first time in a long time, I think I was...genuinely having fun. But...with Jean? No way.

I take my place back on the couch, scooting a little farther from Jean than I was before. He goes into the kitchen and brings me a bowl of pasta along with one for himself.

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

We both eat carefully while the film continues, not wanting a spot to dirty the director's couch, no matter how infrequently he stays here.

When the movie ends, Jean takes it out of the player and puts it away.

"Hey, Eren..." he says.

"Yeah?"

"...Are you...happy?"

The question catches me off guard. In general, or this moment? And for either one, what do I say?

"I...I don't know."

"...I hope you find it then. Genuine happiness."

"I...! I was happy! Today with you, I was happy!!"

I feel my face heat up as I realize the truth in my words. I haven't been happy in a long time. But for a little while, I was able to experience it today.

With the person I'm supposed to hate the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite chapters tbh i freakin loVE the Princess and the Frog and that scene is the cutest scene i will always love it if you haven't seen it 10/10 recommend it!! hope you enjoyed the chapter (:


	7. Scene VII

There's no way I could have any sort of feelings for Eren other than hatred. At least, there shouldn't be. What's with all this unexpected cuteness! I mean, Disney movies? A-and he even got all bashful, and the thing with his mom really makes me want to comfort him, and his voice kind of makes me want to hear him say my name that way--!

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. No. I don't _want_ to hear him say my name in pleasure, I'm just _curious_. And I don't think he's cute,

I just...

Eren smiles at me, and though it's small, I know it's genuine.

...think he's cute.

Urk, what's with all this chest pain?

"R-really. I had fun watching the movie and all so...thanks."

Urk. My heart. Damn Cupid.

"It's no problem, I had fun too."

Wait, no, if I were to blame Cupid, that would mean accepting the idea that I have feelings for Eren.

Which I don't.

"Hey, Jean, I know this is kind of weird, but can I sleep with you tonight? And p-possibly...from now on...?"

His blushing face...I-it's too cute.

Wait! What the hell am I thinking?

"Um, why?"

"I can't really sleep. It's always something. I'll get too cold, or have a nightmare, or...be so afraid of the nightmares I could have that I just stay up..."

Why do I feel an urge to comfort him?

"Sorry! Actually, it's alright, I'll sleep by myself...it must be weird for you, and you'll probably be creeped out since I'm...bisexual, for the time being, ahaha!"

Why does he have to keep pretending?

"No, I'm not creeped out by you or anything. It might be a little weird to sleep together, but it'll be troublesome if you're yawning throughout the days we have to work."

Eren looks up at me, and turns away.

"Um...are you sure it's okay? It doesn't...gross you out?" He asks.

"Your sexuality? No." Why it would, I can't understand.

"...Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Even though this Eren isn't exactly the Eren I pictured, I still find myself wanting to get to know him. He's...got a lot more going on than I thought...I took him for this happy-go-lucky idiot with a perpetual smile and annoying personality. And as sappy as it sounds, he's so much more.

Yeah, that's probably one of the most frequently used cliche lines used, but it's probably because its true.

"Well, if we're gonna sleep together you should probably start getting ready for bed." I say, offering a small smile.

I head to my room and get changed into pajamas, a t-shirt and sleeping pants. Eren is brushing his teeth as I walk in. I grab my toothbrush and brush, trying not to really think about Eren being next to me.

I glance over and spit.

"Eren, you use flosspicks?"

"They're easier!"

"Yeah, I know...it's just a bit childish."

In a cute way.

Ack, why do I keep thinking things like this?

"Well I _apologize_ for being such a _child_." He responds, sarcastic.

"I wasn't teasing you, it was more of an observation."

Eren tosses away his floss and gives me a sad look.

"You should probably stop making observations, Jean."

Urk, I really want to hug him.

Eren leaves the bathroom and I finish cleaning myself up. When I walk into my room, I see Eren changing. He really does have a small frame. He's not that muscular, but he's toned enough so girls would notice.

"Wh...what? You're making me self-conscious."

"Nothing," I say. "Just thinking about how I'm more muscular than you. You should probably exercise more."

He turns to me, angry, buttoning up his pajama shirt quickly.

"Ugh! I...I'm not an outdoorsy person. Shut up and go to bed already."

I scoff and get under my covers. The bed sinks as he gets in on the other side. The mattress is almost big enough to be two separate ones, so space isn't a problem.

" 'Night, Eren."

"Mhmm."

. . .

Sounds rouse me from my slumber and I regain consciousness. I turn over, trying to go back to sleep, and then I realize that the sounds I'm hearing are sobs.

I sit up to find Eren sitting up, rubbing his eyes repeatedly as tears flow down his cheeks. He hiccups and turns his face away from me.

"S...sorry. I didn'...m..." He sighs heavily. "mean 'o wake you..."

"No, I'm fine...but...you're..." I don't really know what to say.

He lays back down, rubbing his eyes sore, trying to calm himself. Trying to be okay.

"Sorry...I..I'm causing you trouble..."

"You're not."

I lay down again, and examine him. I open my arms awkwardly.

"Um, is it okay if I...?"

Eren doesn't move toward me, but he doesn't move away either. With my arms around him, I feel that he's trembling. He continues to wipe away his tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I was so scared..." He grabs onto my t-shirt, and clutches it as if hanging on for dear life. "They all...everyone was after me," he lets out a shaky breath, "and people turned out to be monsters, and," he whimpers a little. I do my best to comfort him. "There wasn't anyone I could go to...!" He wipes more tears from his face.

"It was so _lonely_."

"It's okay, Eren. It was just a dream."

I hold him closer to me and soon, his trembling turns into labored breathing. I try to comfort him by moving my thumb in a circular motion on his back. Eventually, his breathing becomes less erratic and finally slows.

"It's alright."

Since he's calmed, I expect him to remove my arms, make a snarky comment, and move away. Probably would tell me to forget it, too. Eren takes a deep breath, not releasing his grip on my shirt or trying to remove my arms from around him. He snuggles into me, the way you think a child or small domestic animal would.

My heart wasn't exactly prepared for that.

"Th...Thank you," he says.

Urk. He's too cute...

"Yeah."

I examine his features. He really does look a lot like his mother. I hope she's able to get better. I want him to be happy. He seems to be asleep. I smile, falling asleep to the sound of his peaceful breaths.

. . .

"...W-w-w-what is this? Didn't they say they weren't...?! Mi...Mikasa, what do I do?"

"Shut up, Armin. I'll wake them up."

A shiver runs down my back and I stretch, rubbing my eyes. What's with this ominous feeling--

"Ahh!"

Mikasa is staring at the two of us, intensely, a creepy smile on her face.

"Heheheh," she laughs, but the sound of it worries me.

"Eren, I came by to..to drop off your educational work...Levi-san said this was where you were staying...a-and there's two bedrooms, so why...?"

"Because we sleep together now," Eren says, sleepily.

"Then, those dried tears and swollen eyes...How many rounds did you go, Jean?" Mikasa asks.

"Rounds?"

She steps closer to me, examining the arm I still have around Eren.

"How many times did you do it?"

Do it? Do wha...

Oh my _god_.

"None!!!! What are you thinking?"

("...That I'd want to see that.")

Mikasa mumbles something under her breath and sighs.

"Hey, Eren," I say, annoyed.

"Mm?"

"How long are you going to keep clinging to me?"

"Long as I want. I'm still sleepy."

Shit. He's seriously going to kill me.

"Um, well, I will just set these on the desk here, a-and go. ...Jean?" Armin turns to me with a glint in his eye.

"What?"

"Be safe."

...What are they implying? The two of them leave, but before Mikasa walks out the room, she swivels around and makes that "I'm watching you" gesture. Geh, her eyes are deadly. She points at me, more accurately at my chest, and mouths something.

_Thunk_. She then smirks as if satisfied with herself, and walks out with Armin.

They close the door behind them.

"...Hey, Jean, I'm tired of cooking. Make me an omelet."

"You're not even going to say please?"

Eren opens his eyes and gives me a cutesy smile.

"Nooope."

I sigh and get out of bed, walking over to the kitchen and opening the fridge. I take out a few eggs and things to put in an omelet.

When I'm done, I make my way back to where Eren is, to find him stretching like a cat. His shirt is lifted up slightly, leaving part of his abdomen exposed.

"Hey, ugly. Breakfast is ready."

He yawns and nods. I find myself making a face because the way he yawns is endearing.

"Don't lie; you know I'm cute."

I jump in surprise. Is he reading my mind?! Wait, that's not the issue here. I keep thinking he's cute. No. No, no, no. He's not. I look at him again and feel heat crawl up to my face.

"You are absolutely the most uncute person I have ever met!" I yell.

Eren chuckles a bit, and my heart squeezes.

"Whatever you say. Let's hope you're still a decent cook." Eren gets out the bed and I burst into laughter.

"What?"

"You have terrible bedhead!"

Eren scowls and walks by me and over to the dining table, sitting himself down and eating.

"...You're not even going to brush it?" I say, sitting myself across from him.

"We don't have to go anywhere today so no. I'm going to study. I doubt I'll be acting forever, so I'd like to be able to get a job."

"Really? I'm pretty good at that kind of thing, so I can help."

Eren eyes me skeptically.

"What do you want for it?"

I wasn't going to ask for anything in return, but if he's offering, then...

"Your acting. Stop becoming your character."

"...I don't know how to just 'act'. I always... lose who I am. And it's hard to come back. Once, Armin had to deal with me being my character for a week. I wasn't...able to remember who I was until someone offered me a juicebox, and it turned out to be my favorite drink from my childhood... My dad, he...he always got it for me. I was crying when I came to my senses...I think I have to be emotionally affected by something in order to...'come back', to be 'Eren Jaeger'. It's gotten better, but..."

"Well, you came back pretty quickly when I insulted you."

"Yeah, the obnoxious ringing of your voice is pretty amazing. You must be special," he rolls his eyes sarcastically.

"My voice isn't obnoxious!"

"Then it's the insults. They rile me up and then I remember how annoying you are," he smiles, amused.

"You're more annoying."

Eren smiles and licks his spoon clean. My eyes drift to his mouth and to the pinkness of his tongue. Damn, I really want to kiss him.

Wait. Shit. No.

"Even if I'm more annoying, I'm definitely the better looking one."

"The hell you're not."

Fuck. What the hell is he doing to me?

Eren dumps his plate in the sink, and I find my eyes looking him over. Why should it matter to me whether or not he's aware of what happens when he acts as Mitsuru? Do I want it to affect him?

...Yeah. Yeah, I do. Whether it's what Eren thinks it is, freakin' Cupid's arrows, or some weird annoyance about how I'm affected while he's not, I don't know.

Eren goes back into my room and looks through the worksheets and things Armin brought him.

"You do still have your own room, you know. No need to plop yourself on my bed."

"Eh, my things are already here."

I sigh and go into the living room, flipping on the TV. I switch it off half an hour later, reaching for a book on the shelf. I pull out a novel at random, and find _Thirteen Reasons Why_ by Jay Asher in my hands. I flip through the book, having already read it. It wasn't as tear-jerking as I expected it to be.

I get up and place it back exactly as it was, then head back over to check on Eren. He's lying there, chewing on the inside of his cheek, while he taps his pencil.

"Scoot over," I say.

"I didn't ask for help."

"No, but I can tell you need it," I smirk.

He sighs in defeat and shifts over, so I can see what he's working on. I lay myself beside him. It's math. Pre-calculus. I analyze the problem he's stuck on and try to explain in simpler terms why he should use this formula versus the other, and he watches me closely as I help him solve the problem.

"Wow. Thanks."

Eren looks at me and smiles.

"I actually get it!"

My eyes linger on his face for too long, and I feel something like desire bubble within me. He's close. Really close.

Ah, really...he's too attractive.

I lean in and kiss him.

"J-Jean, what are you doing?"

I don't even know, but I think of a quick bluff.

"...I'm acting."

I lean forward and press my lips to his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you've enjoyed this weeks chapter!


	8. Scene VIII

"Wh...what was that for?"

Eren looks at me angrily, beet red. His expression is just so cute I wanna-- no, I don't want anything. I'm acting. Acting. A c t i n g.

"Uh, sorry, Mitsuru...I don't know what came over me," I say, ad-libbing random shit that sounds like something that'd come from our scripts.

But it's true because I've no idea what the fuck happened just now.

"Um...I-It's okay..." Eren looks away from me as he says this, stealing an occasional glance then quickly averting his eyes.

_THUNK!_ Urk. Cupid have mercy on my heart. Why did he say that line in such a way that it...makes it sound like he's okay with me kissing him? Along with the embarrassed look on his face...

No. Stop. Don't think about it. It's not Cupid; Cupid is a myth and I'd never have feelings for Eren Jaeger.

"Right. Um, I..."

I gaze at his face and gulp nervously. If he does anything else all cute like that I might end up pushing him down.

"Never mind, save it for next time we go in. I-Is there anything else you needed help with?" I say.

Eren seems to have zoned out on me.

"Huh? Oh! Y-Yeah...actually, this one, and...those...and that one over there, and...pretty much the entire page."

Somehow, this really annoys me. I just kissed him and after maybe a minute of looking embarrassed he goes back to studying as if nothing had happened. I kind of wanted to see a stronger reaction. He should've blushed and pushed me away all teary eyed and made that face...Studying, Jean. Math.

"Wait...the entire _page?_ " I say.

"Math is _not_ my thing. It's not _anyone's_ thing; everyone hates math."

I chuckle at his statement, thinking it's cute.

Uh, not cute as in _cute,_ but like...'Oh, it's cute what an idiot he is'. There's a difference.

....There is. Right??

"Actually, I'm pretty good at math," I tell him matter-of-factly, pleased.

"Pretty good as in you get average grades?"

Give me some credit. Geez.

"Pretty good as in I used to ace it when I had time to go to school. I study on my own, too, so my skills haven't gotten rusty or anything."

He gives me a skeptical look.

"Look, you'll believe me after I help you, okay?" I say.

He sighs and shifts again.

"Here, for this one, the formula you're using is wrong. This is a tangent, and these two are segments."

Eren squints at the paper, then reaches for something under his pillow. He pulls out a pair of big, geeky-looking glasses and puts them on. He pushes them up and looks at me. When he sees my amused expression, he scowls.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," I smirk.

"J-just shut up!"

I laugh a little. "Ready for me to continue?"

Eren nods. I explain the rest of the problems to him, observing as he tries to work them out and correcting any mistakes. I don't know why we're laying so close to one another when the bed is more than big enough to allow a fair amount of personal space between us.

I also don't know why I'm so aware of the fact that our shoulders are touching, or why I'm wondering if Eren's skin is as soft as his pajamas.

Or why, suddenly, his large sea-green eyes don't seem as unattractive as they used to. Or why part of me wants to see them really sparkle like the way they did when he was a child. The light in his eyes was so hopeful and pure. Seeing that light fade throughout his growth pained even me as I was flipping through that photo album.

"Okay, so I'll try this page and you can check it."

Eren starts on it, and instead of staring at him like a creep, I decide to leave the room and survey the pantry. I'm not exactly hungry, but I want to eat something anyway, so I grab a few cookies and a bowl, heading back to my room. I'm careful so as not to drop a single crumb anywhere but in the bowl.

I walk back in and sit at the edge, facing Eren. He holds out his hand and I begrudgingly allow him to have one of my cookies.

"Don't make a mess. Here, use this." I try handing him the bowl, but he shakes his head.

"I don't need it."

"Then, how will you eat it without making a mess?"

He looks up at me and opens his mouth, shoving the entire cookie in it. The cookies aren't giant sized, just large enough for him to temporarily look like a chipmunk as he chews it.

"You look like a rodent."

He gives me a 'what do you mean' kind of look, and I fill my cheeks with air, trying to look show him what he looks like.

He makes a face at me while finishing off the rest of his cookie, then shoves me, causing me to fall off the bed. I hit the floor sideways, but it doesn't hurt so much my body as it does my pride. Honestly I probably look like an idiot, which is really uncool.

Which should also not matter because it's just Eren.

I get back up, bopping him on the forehead while he laughs, his glasses falling off.

"Give me your paper, swamp-eyes."

"Horse-face." He smiles just the tiniest bit.

"Idiot." I end up smiling back as I try to scowl.

"Arrogant jerk." He sticks his tongue out at me.

"Just hand it over!" I grab the paper from him, and he huffs.

So cute.

Uh. That must've been a slip or something.

I shake my head free from those thoughts and start checking over his paper, working out some of the problems myself just to make sure. I roll myself back over next to him.

"Okay, so this one...and that, they're right. Along with the rest of the page."

"What? I think I heard wrong."

"It's all correct. Good job."

"Are you telling me...that I just received my first 100% on anything math related?"

Before I can answer, Eren throws his arms around me.

"Wha--Hey!"

"Thanks, Jean!"

"Urk."

Wh...what the hell is wrong with me? Why should physical contact between men even make me uneasy? Eren's weight causes me to topple over, his arms still around me.

"Your weight is crushing my arm." he says.

"You're the one that decided to hug me."

Eren looks away, then to the side of me.

"...Y-you're warm."

Is he...blushing? Because of me?

I find myself staring at his face, wanting to laugh at the way he looks with his glasses shifted over to the side from being pressed up against the mattress.

Maybe Cupid really is trying to shoot arrows at me.

"Hey," a voice other than Eren's or my own says.

"D-Director Levi?!" Eren exclaims.

What is he doing here?

"If you lovebirds are done with your yaoi moment, I'd like to see you."

"W-We aren't lovebirds!!" Eren emphasizes.

I sit up, Eren releasing me as I do. He gathers his papers and I slip off the bed, going out and seeing the director scrutinizing the place. He opens the fridge and the pantry, inspecting goodness knows what.

"Um, D-Director?" Eren asks.

"Shut up."

He walks around the floor, then examines the steps leading to the higher floors of the condo.

"I'm surprised. You've kept this place pretty clean."

He turns around, facing he two of us.

"But as I thought, I'll need to continue my weekly visits and do it thoroughly."

"Your what?"

The director doesn't answer and simply heads up to the next floor. I don't understand why we can't go up there; it's making me really curious.

He comes back down in old sweatpants and a t-shirt.

I look at Eren to find his eyes on the man, and his cheeks tinted pink. Ugh, he's so obvious. Tch, I'd look cool in a v-neck and sweatpants, too. Plus I'm like 7 inches taller than that guy.

Wait. Why should I care? It's not like I _care_ who Eren likes or crushes on.

"Um...Director...what are you doing here?" Eren scratches the side of his face bashfully.

Why is he making that kind of face? Director's just a twenty-something shortie with an intimidating face and deep voice. And small eyes. And a cool haircut.

"I'm going to clean, Eren. And I suggest you either stay out of my way or help."

"We'll help," I say. I don't want to hear Eren stuttering like an awestruck idiot for another second.

Eren fidgets beside me.

"Why did you say that? I never said I wanted to..."

"Was your blushing face not evidence enough?"

"I-I'm not blushing!!" He counters.

"You are now."

"Shut up, horseface!" He grabs my shirt.

"You're only mad because it's the truth, swamp-eyes!"

"You piss me off!"

"You're definitely not cute at all!"

"I didn't fucking ask you--!!"

"I don't even want to know what happens when all the sexual tension goes uninterrupted," Levi says, one vacuum carried by each of his hands.

Okay, for a midget, he has strength.

"For a small guy, you're pretty strong."

Oh my god, Eren. Are you an idiot?

Levi glares at him and walks down the rest of the stairs and places the vacuums down on the floor.

"It's ten centimeters, brat."

The director doesn't say anything further, but I have a really bad feeling about what he has planned for us in the future.

Eren takes a vacuum and starts with the living room, and the floor around the piano.

Every time he glances over in Levi's direction as he cleans, I feel this weird annoying clenching in my chest and I start getting more and more pissed off. What's so good about that twenty-something anyway? Sure, he's good-looking, but so am I! Besides, what has he done for Eren?

Other than let him star in what's likely to be a popular drama...Okay, fine, that's pretty big, but I've... I've known him longer, and...I know more about him and we're...we're...

What am I getting all worked up for anyway? It's just Eren.

Stupid, swamp-eyed, annoying, adorable Eren, with his cute little laughs and big grins, and the way he looks when he blushes, and how tightly he held onto me last night, and silly little quirks, and those endearing geeky-looking glasses, he's just too much.

Wait. That's not what I meant...why do I even feel this way? I don't actually _like_ Eren do I? Just because I've been thinking about him all this time doesn't mean anything!

I hadn't even realized I'd cleaned half the floor...I've been so lost in my thoughts. How much time has even passed?

"I'm satisfied so I'll take my leave," the director calls out, already changed back into his suit and on his way out. And Eren is looking away bashfully. Again.

Geh.

On his way out, he places a hand on my shoulder and leans close to me.

"He's pretty cute, don't you think?"

What. WHAT?! Of course _I_ know he's cute, why the fuck are _you_ saying it?!!

"And he has a really nice figure. Slender, kind of like a girl, but still muscular enough for it to be obvious that he's a man. Oh, and his _ass_. Even you should've noticed how nice it is," he says in a low voice.

"Um, Sir...?!"

"I'm just saying, Eren is the kind of brat that could make you change your sexuality."

He pats my shoulder twice, then walks out the door.

I definitely don't want to let that old perverted mercenary have him. Which means I'm possessive...over a person that I can't exactly call a friend, nor is it someone I consider family. So I...must really be...attracted to him. Something which I thought would only occur in an alternate universe. For all I know, Cupid really does exist, and now I'm smitten. His smile is cute, and things I used to find extremely annoying now all somehow seem adorable.

I...like Eren Jaeger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, horseface accepts his feelings!


	9. Scene IX

I can't believe the director just showed up like that...and to clean? What a neat freak.

And when he came down the stairs in a black v-neck and gray sweatpants...he looked so hot...

Jesus, Eren, stop. Calm down.

"Hey, do you wanna go somewhere?" Jean's voice calls from across the room.

"Go somewhere?"

"I don't know, just out, I guess..." He scratches the back of his head.

"With me?"

"Y-Yeah..." He trails off, looking a little pink. "I mean, you do know your way around here..."

"You could take out your handy dandy map and use that to navigate instead," I say.

"But I...alright fine, we'll stay here."

"Where was it that you wanted to go, anyway?" I sigh.

"Well, as long as you're--I mean, as long as there's good food around it'll be okay." He starts walking in my direction.

"...Have the paparazzi found us yet? It hasn't been made public where we're filming or even what it is, right? So we basically can't be spotted."

"Well yeah, but--hey, when did you take your glasses off?"

I feel heat creep up my face.

"Oh, I...I took them off when Director Levi came," I say attempting to sound casual about it. The better thing would've been to say 'before we started cleaning', because mentioning him is much more obvious. I don't want Jean to...know, I guess. And I didn't exactly want Levi to see me looking all geeky and unattractive.

"Tch. Damn him."

"What?"

"Nothing. If the only obstacle is not being spotted, then all we have to do is disguise ourselves."

Maybe it's my inner child speaking, but...dressing up sounds like fun.

"Nothing's going to disguise your horse face, Jean," I laugh.

"I don't have a horse face!!"

"And I don't have swamp-eyes."

Jean mumbles something under his breath and goes into his room, grabbing a handful of clothes. He walks past me and into the bathroom, and I go into my own room to find something that I wouldn't normally wear. I have plenty of different clothes from my side jobs, even a few dresses...the guy told me I was 'so cute' in them that I couldn't not keep them. Not that I ever wore them again, or plan to. I grab a white button down and blue sweater vest, then find myself a pair of dark brown slacks and slip them on. I grab a plaid brown bowtie with blue accents and tie it around my neck. After, I put on some white socks and walk over to Jean's room to grab my glasses. I hear the click of a knob turning and see that Jean has come out of the bathroom.

He's dressed in a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a gray tee and black hoodie covering his top. And on his head, a dull colored beanie.

"Whoa. I-Is that really you, Jean?" I push up my glasses, widening my eyes. My eyesight really isn't that great without glasses, and now, seeing him clearly like this, up close, makes me redden. H-He's really not bad looking, I guess.

"Of course it's me, who else?"

"W-well, it's just that you look..." God Eren, why start a sentence you don't know how to finish?

He smirks a little. "Hot? Thanks."

"No!! You look like a punk!!"

"And you look like a nerd."

I fix my glasses again. "I'm supposed to." I really did mean to dress up like this, but the truth is, I actually really like this style of clothing. It just doesn't suit the image of 'Eren' the public has.

Who is 'Eren Jaeger' anyway?

"Yeah I know. It kind of suits you, though," he says, while I place my feet inside my oxfords.

Suits me? But people tell me all the time they couldn't picture me in something like this at all. I'm 'way too cool' to wear it.

"Why would you say that?" I ask, standing up.

"I don't know? It feels like...hm...like if your personality were an outfit, it would be that."

That's got to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

"Hah, what do you know about my personality?"

"That it's a little quirky."

Quirky? What quirks do I even have? Seriously, this guy must have the completely wrong idea about who I am.

"You know nothing about me," I say, knowing it's a lie. Jean probably knows more than anyone, with the exception of Connie, maybe Armin, and my mother. No one else knows about my night terrors.

"Sometimes other people know more about you than you know about yourself."

"Maybe," I say, and open the door while he puts on his shoes; a pair of onyx boots with equally dark laces.

He really looks like he just stepped out of a hipster/grunge catalogue. Not that he looks like a model.

I smile brightly at him. "Well, where are we going?"

"Um, I hadn't really planned. You're the one that's familiar with this place. Which spots are good to go to?"

What's with him, not planning anything when he's the one that asked to go. For what reason would he ask me to go somewhere with him if I serve no particular purpose? I mean, it's Jean. There has to be something.

I sigh.

"If we're walking, there's a couple of places around here; shops, a bakery or two, a café...there might even be a bookstore. If there's a movie you wanted to see, we'd have to drive," I realize everything I'm listing is more of a date-type place rather than a tourist thing. But I'm used to going on dates, rather than sightseeing.

But, since it's Jean, he probably wouldn't care because it's obvious we aren't together. That way.

("Hey, Mina-chan. Don't you think those two boys over there look kind of funny together?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. They seem like opposites, with the one being a punk and the other looking completely like a nerd."

"But they are cute, individually. I wonder if it's just them.")

I walk with Jean, heading over to a local souvenir shop. He apparently had something he wanted to buy, even though with this job, we'd probably be living here for quite some time.

I feel someone tap my shoulder, and turn around to see a girl with shoulder length brunette hair in braids and another with cropped pink hair.

"Hello!~ I'm Mina, that's Rumi. I was wondering if you guys were alone? Perhaps the four of us could all hang out together?"

My eyes widen. She doesn't seem to recognize me, so I decide to try and act differently from how 'Eren' would.

"U-Um...sure, I g-guess...?" I push up my glasses and stare at my feet.

I may be acting, but I feel heat rise to my cheeks. It feels strange to have a girl approach me without asking for an autograph or picture or something else they can post and show off to their friends on social media.

"Actually," Jean buts in, "we can't." His tone is harsh, different from his usual (fake) charm.

Oh crap. I got so caught up in acting I didn't realize that we really couldn't. Once they found out, it would be all over the internet. And while I'd like to say we dressed pretty out of character, our faces are still recognizable.

Especially Jean with that horse-face of his.

"Aw, why not?" The pink haired girl, Rumi, whines.

"Because we're...alone together," Jean finishes.

Wh-what?!

"Ah, w-we...we're...!" I can't even figure out what to say to them.

"Yeah, we're kind of...on a date."

"...Suddenly the large contrast between you two seems cute rather than odd."

Jean doesn't respond, so I do it in his place.

"Th...thanks," I answer, again pushing up my glasses.

He puts his arm around me, quickly swerving me in a new direction and walking away from them.

"Jean!" I hiss under my breath.

"It had to be done!" He says.

I guess it did, but...that's such a weird excuse. Something like that would never happen between us. We're always fighting. Practically can't stand each other. Dating is impossible, so...

It doesn't make sense that I'm dwelling on the idea.

It doesn't make sense that I ever thought about it in the first place.

"Well, since we passed the souvenir shop, we can go and buy your camera. There's a place close by that sells them, if I remember right."

I point him in the right direction and he follows behind me. We enter the shop, and I greet the manager, an old friend of my dad's. He recognizes me despite my 'disguise', grinning widely.

"Hey, Eren!"

"How's everything holding up?" I ask.

"Good, good. Do ya need anything?"

"Yeah, actually," I smile amicably at the man and gesture to the horse face behind me. "My....friend wants to buy a camera. One of those 'snazzy' ones, as you say."

"I really like photography," he says, "and since I'm just visiting, I'd like to take as many pictures as I can."

Photography? Jean?

Well I guess I could picture it...just seems...unexpected.

Jean begins to converse with Hanes-san, speaking of different camera models (I think?) and their pros & cons. I decide to walk around the store, as I usually did when I lived here, never knowing what it was that made photography so entertaining. I pull out my phone, idly scrolling through blogs on Tumblr to keep occupied. After ten minutes, I look over and find Jean still speaking with Hanes-san, so I decide I'll go someplace nearby and just text him that I'm going to go. I don't really want to interrupt their conversation.

I open up my messaging app and realize I actually don't have his number, despite knowing him for so long. I shrug to myself and walk out, doubting he'll care, or even notice, that I'm gone.

I make my way over to a nearby shop, walking in to browse the clothing, running my hands absently over shirt and jacket fabrics. On the other side of the store are girls clothes, dresses and ribbons. I think about the sister I never had, wondering if that's why my mother would dress me up in girls clothing every so often.

I head to the counter with nothing but a hair ribbon, not sure who I'm buying it for.

"Ya buyin' it for yer sis? It'll look real nice if she's got the same eyes as you."

I smile and nod, not answering but not being unresponsive.

I finish in the shop and head over to a cafe. I order coffee and biscotti to dip in it, choosing an unoccupied corner to sit in. Instead of observing people as I usually would for character roles, I whip out my phone and open up Twitter, scrolling through my feed when I see my notifications blowing up suddenly.

**@ jeankirschtein** 2m  
**where are you, eren? @ erenjaeger**

**@ jeankirschtein** 1m  
**hey idiot, are you ok? @ erenjaeger**

**@ jeankirschtein** 30s  
**okay, you masochistic freak, really, where are you? I swear if you're just trying to make me look stupid I will hurt you so bad you won't even be able to move @ erenjaeger**

**@ jeankirschtein** 15s  
**you swamp eyed freak what am I supposed to do if you're not with me I'm gonna get lost @ erenjaeger**

**@ jeankirschtein** 2s  
**I am so going to punch you when I find you, you crybaby**

What the _hell?_ It's only been like fifteen minutes since I left! Why is he going ballistic?! I quickly type a response, surprised there isn't steam coming out of my ears.

**@ erenjaeger** 0s  
**YOU DAMN HORSE I'M IN A CAFE IF YOU'RE LOST USE YOUR PHONE I'M NOT YOUR GODDAMN MAP @ jeankirschtein**

This guy is _such_ a pain in the ass! Why does he have to go crazy over every little thing and call me names and fucking--

"Are you Eren?"

" _Yes,_ Jean, it's me--"

Oh. That isn't Jean. This guy is tall, like really tall. He has dark hair and a kind face, but I don't recognize him.

"Um, do I know you?" I say.

"Not yet," the guy smiles and holds out his hand for me to shake. I take it, surprised. Isn't this more of an American custom?

"I look forward to making your acquaintance."

"Er, yeah, same here," I say.

The guy walks off, without even introducing himself.

"God _dammit,_ Eren!! I've been looking for you _everywhere!_ You should've at least mentioned you were leaving the shop and where you were going!"

"I was going to, but I don't have your number and I figured you wouldn't care."

"Well, I _do!!_ I _do_ care!! Are you stupid?!" He yells. People turn their heads in our direction, curious.

"Jean, calm down, I'm fine!" I counter, exasperated.

My phone beeps and I check it, another Twitter notification.

**@ jeankirschtein** 10s  
**don't run off on your own anymore @ erenjaeger**

I snort at his tweet, responding with one of my own.

**@ erenjaeger** 0s  
**you're an idiot, horseface @ jeankirschtein**

I look up, watching his face as he reads my text. I expect him to scowl at my insult, but instead, something like fondness settles on his face.

Wh-what's with that?

He smirks and his gaze falls on me, making me feel somewhat embarrassed. I push up my glasses awkwardly and turn away, clearing my throat as I feel heat rise to my cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, here's this weeks chapter! please leave comments and such, much love! 
> 
> ~shiro


	10. Scene X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angry yelling leads to embarrassed eren & frustrated jean

"What are you smiling at?!" Eren suddenly bursts, raising his voice at me.

I quickly mask my smile with a smirk, a comeback on my tongue as usual.

"Just the simplicity of your insults. You really _aren't_ a smart cookie, are you?" I tease.

Watching Eren turn that angry-embarrassed scarlet makes me want to hug him. Urk, well, not like...lovey-dovey. Just...you know.

A friendly hug.

Not an oh-my-god-he's-so-cute-I-could-smother-him-in-kisses hug. 'Cause I definitely was not thinking of that just now.

"I don't come up with super witty comebacks for you 'cause you're not worth it!"

Okay, I am _definitely_ worthy of well thought out comebacks.

"You're just mad 'cause you don't have one," I sneer.

"Oh, you shut up! I'm leaving."

There he goes again, turning that angry-embarrassed shade of red I find so cute. I can't help but smirk at his expression.

"No you're not. We need to be on set tonight."

"WE NEED TO--?!" Eren remembers where we are and brings his voice down to a low hiss. "We need to be on _set_??! Why the _fuck_ didn't you remind me??"

I gesture to my phone, "Because Levi just called me five minutes ago. I didn't know. So we need to go home and change. If they see you like this, pictures will definitely be taken. And then you won't be able to use this for cover anymore."

Eren's anger immediately changes into a proud, self-satisfied air of confidence.

"Are you an idiot? I am a master of disguise. I've done _so_ many sketchy and/or embarrassing jobs for money and no one knows about them because I disguised myself. "

Eren smiles smugly, completely pleased with his accomplishments.

"I've even dressed up as a girl. And--"

His face suddenly turns from triumphant to completely exposed. He's probably giving off enough heat to fog up those giant glasses of his.

"...You didn't hear that," he finishes.

Seriously, I could compile a book of photos full of Eren's expressions and call it _Fifty Shades of Red_. It would sell like an alternative _Naruto_ ending where Sasuke and Naruto end up together for those screaming fangirls. What are they called again? Fujoushi? They'd cry for a book full of Eren's blushing faces.

"What the fuck are you staring at me for, horseface!" 

"Trying to imagine you in girl's clothing." 

Eren fixes his spectacles again, and stands from his seat, raising his voice at me. 

"Don't!! Disgusting pervert!" 

__Frustration boils within me at his remark. Not so much the remark itself as the realization that it's sort of true._ _

__"Shut up! You're the one that brought up this shit!!" I retort, angry._ _

__He gets me so worked up so easily._ _

__"But only because you doubted my disguise skills!!" What is he, five?!_ _

__"That's probably because you're so stupid you can't tell your left from your right!"_ _

__Once again, our fights have turned to irrelevant insults, nitpicking at each other's flaws for no good reason._ _

__"Fuck you, Jean!! I can't believe I ever agreed to this!"_ _

__"Fuck _me?!_ I'm not the one who's a green eyed monster with no brain! If anyone is getting fucked, it's _you!_ "_ _

__God. damn. this. bastard. Fuck him._ _

__Wait, not like--! Shit._ _

__"I hate you," he spits._ _

__Why did my heart clench just now?_ _

__"I will always hate you. The day that I wake up and don't, is the day I condemn myself to a sad, sad existence!" He yells._ _

__"Same to you, masochistic freak!"_ _

__I hate him. I hate him but I like him. What the fuck._ _

__Eren and I are roughly shoved out the door by a few employees. The head chef greets us, and surprisingly she seems about our age. Her nametag reads _Sasha.__ _

__"You two are _ruining_ my mojo! I'm cooking, and your newlywed-couple-bickering is seriously messing with my routine!" She yells._ _

__"We're not newlyweds!" Eren spits back, as we meander away from the place._ _

___Ugh_ he's so stupidly cute. Wait no. Well...he really is, it's just... _Eren?_ Of all the people in the world...He's not even a girl! Why would I even like someone like Eren? It must've been a mind blank. Yeah. That's gotta be it. There's really no way that I would get all mushy for..._ _

__I look over to the boy in question to find him fixing his glasses again, pink tinting his cheeks, mumbling 'newlyweds' while blushing at the thought._ _

___Urk._ Ah. Um. No. That was a fluke. My heart didn't skip just at the sight of him blushing. Let's try this again._ _

__"Jean, why are you red?"_ _

__I hate that voice. That stupid, perpetual distaste in his voice-- well, there was the time his voice sounded happy...and the way it sounded when he laughed...and how the tone slightly changes when he's embarrassed...and when he's crying his voice gets really high...and it also gets high when..._ _

__No. Let's not revisit that time. Goddamnit, my face has to be turning red._ _

__Eren butts into my train of thought. A train that I needed to come to a full stop._ _

__"A-Are you...thinking about me being your newlyw--?!"_ _

__"N-No, you piece of ass!" _Shit._ "I'm angry that she called us newlyweds!!"_ _

__"Good, cause I would really hit you if you were thinking about me in a compromising position."_ _

__In a compromising position?! What, like..._ _

__Oh, fuck you, Eren._ _

__Wait--_ _

__Shit._ _

__"Look, I don't want this drawn out any longer than necessary; let's just go," I say._ _

__"I can't believe I agreed to this. That stupid, manipulating, sadistic, hot director just _had_ to make us lovers." Eren grumbles._ _

__"Wait. Eren, did you just say hot?"_ _

__"Wh-wh-what are you taking about I said nothing of the sort!"_ _

__"Hm. Okay. Well, for an older guy, I guess Director Levi is pretty good looking," I say, not really because I mean it, but because I don't really feel like having Eren freak out and babbling about how I heard wrong._ _

__"I didn't ask for your--!"_ _

__"But I'm obviously much hotter."_ _

__"Hah? No way. With your long horseface?"_ _

__"You're just blind, Eren. I bet you can barely see without those glasses. I'm actually pretty sexy."_ _

__"Whatever you say, horseface," the brunette scoffs, walking ahead of me._ _

__I get a strange sensation, watching his back as the distance between us grows. As though I'd rather not have the distance there, even if he pisses me off. Even if he's annoying._ _

__It's weird._ _

__"Don't get lost, you equine douche!" Eren yells from ahead._ _

__I wonder if he's indirectly inviting me to catch up and walk beside him, but realize he's probably too idiotic to think of a roundabout way of saying something like this. But then again, the more time I spend with Eren, the more I realize that the person I perceived him to be,_ _

__is far from the person he truly is._ _

__Even as we're fighting, his thoughts could be entirely different. Those times I see him staring off into space...I don't think he's just daydreaming like an idiot._ _

__In reality, who is 'Eren Jaeger'?_ _

__I follow Eren's figure without giving much thought as to where I'm being led._ _

__"You're staring at me."_ _

__My eyes focus as Eren's voice, no longer distant, pulls me from my thoughts. I register the audio I've just heard and realize what he's saying is right. He's about a foot in front of me, but because I'm a few stairsteps below, my eyes are level with his lips. His ever-changing colored eyes are looking back at me expectantly, and I clumsily fish in my pockets for the keys after realizing he's waiting for me to open the door._ _

__I stare at the smaller boy as I open the door, and words fly out of my mouth._ _

__"...Who are you, Eren?"_ _

__As soon as I realize I've voiced my thoughts, I regret it, cursing internally. Eren looks up and his eyes widen. A lot. He looks so incredibly childish and vulnerable I feel remorse for having said a word. His eyes have suddenly changed, and he looks as if he could break any moment._ _

__"S-sorry," I say quickly. "I shouldn't have said anything."_ _

__He looks at the floor ahead of him, stepping inside the condo without answering me, averting his gaze. I follow in after him, watching him bite his lip. I feel horrible. I really said too much._ _

__"...I'm going to change. I guess..." he heads into his room and I watch as he shuts the door behind him, shutting me out as well._ _

__. . ._ _

__It's 7pm and we've just arrived at the studio. Eren has changed back into his "normal" clothing, but now that I've seen him in geeky attire it feels as if the way he usually dresses doesn't quite suit him._ _

__"Good, you're here," the director greets and motions for us to hurry on set._ _

__"Well, have you read your scripts? This next episode is the one where Kazuya -- Jean -- starts to realize that he's actually in love with Mitsuru -- Eren. And it only takes a ton of gibberish from Mitsuru about his crush, the possibility of reciprocated feelings, and an almost date for Kazuya to realize why he's been so bothered lately."_ _

__"Yeah, we know," Eren says._ _

__"But what you don't know is that the almost date between Mitsuru and Hitomi has changed into a full date, and that we're filming it tonight. The cinema is super cheap today, and I want to spend as little money as possible. So Eren, you and Christa will go on a date."_ _

__Of course it was for monetary reasons...wait. Date? Christa and Eren??_ _

__"Uh, Director, if this particular scene we're filming doesn't involve me, what am I doing here?" I ask._ _

__He sighs at me as if I'm an ignorant child who has yet to understand the ways of the world._ _

__"Kirschtein, this scene is _all_ about you. See, Christa is asked to accompany you and Eren because Eren is too chicken to actually call it a date and go alone. And when you go along, you realize you've become a third wheel."_ _

__Great, so I get to pretend to be a third wheel whilst actually being a third wheel on a fake date._ _

__. . ._ _

__"Ah, Hitomi-chan. Over here!"_ _

__I stand indifferently beside Eren, now Mitsuru, and let my eyes flicker to the blonde making her way towards us. "I" pretend not to be bothered by how ecstatic Mitsuru seems after laying eyes upon the girl. And the actual me is struggling not to think about the similarities between this look and the one that occurs when he sets his gaze on the director. Stupid, short, cool-looking Director Levi._ _

__Which of course does not actually bother me at all. I'm just too into my character. I don't know what I was thinking that time. There's definitely no way I like him._ _

__And I'm only watching him because Kazuya is supposed to be watching Mitsuru. My face isn't giving anything away, because Kazuya isn't the expressive type. He says a lot of things with a straight face. I don't know when walking inbetween the two of them turned into trailing behind as they smile and talk to each other in excited tones._ _

__All I know is I'm stuck in the cart behind them on roller coasters, that I'm kind of just here, watching them have fun. And I don't mind it. I definitely don't mind Eren-- _Mitsuru--_ putting all his attention on the blondie. She's short, cute, and bubbly with pretty blue eyes like Eren occasionally has depending on the color of his shirt._ _

__And none of this matters to me because we're filming. Just that. So I don't understand why I'm crunching so hard on my candy apple, or why I have to constantly refrain from just taking Mitsuru's hand and running away from the girl. Nor do I understand why I dislike her. Or why I'm getting more and more pissed off standing here watching them._ _

__There's plenty of times I've seen Eren talk and laugh with people from afar at cast parties and whatever other social event where we ended up in the same place._ _

__"Um...you know, you're r-really cute, Hitomi-chan." 'Mitsuru' looks down bashfully, scratching his head. "And...I really like Ferris wheels, so I was thinking maybe..."_ _

__No, you're not going to ride that stupid thing with her._ _

__"W-well..." Christa stutters, turning pink as well._ _

__Her blushing isn't anywhere near as cute as Eren's. I don't understand what all the commotion over her is._ _

__"I'm going with you." The words come out my mouth before I realize what I've said. The two of them look at me surprised, one clearly taken aback by the fact that I'd said something that wasn't written in the script they'd received. The other, too in character to realize I'd done anything but ruin their chances of being with said person of interest._ _

__I don't fumble awkwardly and wait for Levi to yell cut._ _

__Instead, I grab 'Mitsuru' and drag him into the Ferris Wheel line, leaving that blonde to watch us, dumbfounded._ _

__Of course a cameraman follows to ensure whatever happens in the wheel is captured._ _

__"Why'd you do that, Kazu? Things were going so well!" He pouts at me, but I don't answer him or let go of his hand. Once we're in the carriage, I let go and 'Mitsuru' eyes me suspiciously._ _

__"What's wrong? Do you not like Hitomi-chan?"_ _

__"No, I don't." I say. "But I'm not upset about that."_ _

__"Well, what are you upset about?!" He suddenly raises his voice and stands, making the carriage rock._ _

__"I don't know," I answer, truthfully._ _

__I shouldn't be so angry._ _

__"Maybe I just don't like seeing you act so friendly with others. Maybe I'd rather make someone else the third wheel than be the third wheel."_ _

__"...Did I really not give you any attention today?"_ _

__"Not the kind I--" _Not the kind I want.__ _

__"Well, what kind of attention do you want from me?!!"_ _

__Now it's my turn to stand and get upset because I don't really know how to classify it myself. The carriage rocks again, and I fall forward while 'Mitsuru' stumbles back, body now pressed against the window._ _

__"Maybe this kind of attention," I whisper quietly, staring into those green irises that unsettle me so much._ _

__Without really doing much thinking at all, I press my hand against the window beside his head, tilt his chin up, and press my lips to his._ _

__I've got to biggest idiot to be genuinely enjoying having this kind of physical contact with him. I've gone mad. I break away from him slowly, watching his eyes widen and his cheeks flush._ _

__"W-wh--?" I don't wait for the brunette to finish his thoughts before silencing him with my lips again. His hands are in fists against my chest, his expression an embarrassed and slightly angry one as I stare down at him again, kind of giddy from kissing him. He looks up flushed and somewhat teary. Then, only loud enough for me to hear, he whispers,_ _

__"J-Jean..."_ _

__Oh man._ _

__I am turning hella gay, hella fast._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayee sorry i've been gone so long ya fav boi back at it again w some more gay shit. ima try to update weekly. comments are always appreciated! thanks, hope you enjoyed the chap!!


	11. Chapter 11

"J-Jean..." I breathe.

What is he doing? No, seriously. The last thing I'm really conscious of is the director's voice yelling "action" and then I wake up to Jean kissing me. Why I wasn't able to stay in character, I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm currently very flustered because of the weird parallels this situation has to _Sleeping Beauty_. I continue to look at the light-haired guy in front of me and assume we're filming just to be safe.

"Ka...Kazu...?"

The ride comes to a stop and Jean- well, I don't know, Kazuya? He is acting, isn't he? The guy stares at me in a daze before going wide-eyed himself, and dashes out of the carriage. It's dark out, so I'm sure I must be just imagining the redness that seemed to be on his cheeks.

Or that I'm just unable to separate acting from reality now that I'm no longer immersed in my role. I stare after him in confusion, though it's not acting anymore. I don't remember this being in the script, but there are definitely times where I get so lost in the character that I start ad-libbing subconsciously. Maybe that's...

That was...I'm not sure. But now my face is heating up in the realization that I was kissed. And that I was aware I was being kissed. And that Jean is actually kinda sorta a really nice kisser. I walk out of the carriage confused and kinda hazy, back over to Christa, who I assume is still playing the part of Hitomi.

"Uh. Hiya," I say, awkwardly.

I guess we're all ad-libbing now.

"So what happened? Did you two fight?"

"So...somewhat. I'm not really sure, he kinda just...stormed off."

"Say, Mitsuru-kun. Would you...like to continue this another time? With just...the two of us?" she says, without much hesitation.

"H..Huh? Yeah, I just...w-well I was hoping to be the one to ask _you_ out."

"Aw, you're cute. So, I'll see you later then?"

"Y-Yeah...Wait! You're going home?" I call after her as she turns and walks away.

"I think you have more pressing matters to attend to than making sure I get home safely. Don't worry, I'm stronger than I look."

I see her turn her back and after lingering my gaze momentarily, I immediately head over to where I last saw Kazuya run off to. I pass by the cameraman and faintly hear a "cut!" come from his headphones.

But I keep running, because we're in a public area, and I'm really not sure where Jean is. And I kind of want to ask him why he kissed me if it wasn't in the script. Well, actually that doesn't matter. What matters is the fact that he was good at it-- wait, that's not what matters either. And _I_ don't really have much experience to go off from, so why I'd say he was a good kisser, I'm not sure. Perhaps my subconscious still remembers all the kisses I've shared with other actors.

I look around for an annoying head of light caramel-colored hair, but it's really hard to spot when there's multitudes of people rushing all around you from every possible direction.

"Lost?" A familiar smug voice calls, and I make an expression that is in between a scowl and a slightly relieved smile.

"No, actually, I was thinking you might be," I say.

"Mm. Well actually I had to ask someone, and thankfully I spotted you. I don't know about you-,"

" _But I'm feelin' twenty-twooo!_ Sorry. It just came out," I say, sheepish. I hate that I blurted that out.

Jean scoffs and I take it as a sign that everything that happened just then really was just acting.

"You're an idiot."

"At least I don't have a horse-face like you."

"Ah, shut up."

"And I'm not 'just blind'. You definitely look like a horse," I add.

And it's kind of a lie because my eyesight isn't that great. It never has been. So when suddenly Armin paid for me to get glasses...it was weird. As I put them on I swear I could distinctly hear that _"I can see clearly now the rain is gone"_ song playing in the background. Armin said it's like that for most people when they get glasses or contacts for the first time.

But Jean definitely isn't attractive. He can't be. I mean, it's...Jean.

The two of us head back while Levi gives Jean a look. Not quite sure what kind of look; it's hard to tell when he's always grimacing.

"The shot might've taken an unexpected turn, but I like it better than what the script went by," Director Levi says.

Why is his voice so freaking attractive?

"Eren is rubbing off on me, haha. I got too into my character," Jean laughs.

His voice is definitely not attractive. Someone still needs to hit puberty.

" _You're_ the one rubbing off on me! I couldn't stay in character all the way through because of you and your goddamn..." I trail off, realizing I'd complete that sentence with either 'kisses' or 'lips', and neither helps my dignity.

Plus, no matter how I said it, it would come out wrong.

"Eren, you should really stop making those faces," Levi says, monotonous.

"And why not, Director?"

I cross my arms, trying to seem unaffected by him in any way. I spare a glance his way, and immediately regret it. He's smirking. Just very, very slightly, but now I've suddenly got heat rushing to my face.

"Because they're too cute," he states, flippantly.

"Wh-wha- d-don't call me cute, you midget!"

Levi's eyes flicker back to me.

Oh no. Oh geez. Um. Crap.

" _Eren._ "

"S-sir?" I feel like I'm speaking to a military general who's just called me maggot.

"This is your only warning. You don't want to push your limits."

I let out a giant breath. Man, I thought he was going to beat me. The director returns to his usual composed, and somewhat judgemental exterior. And for some odd reason, I can almost vividly imagine this guy beating me up.

"...Stop making such a stupid face."

I turn to Jean, an accusatory scowl on my face.

"Oh never mind, you always look stupid," he adds.

"Director, do you hear a horse nearby?" I ask, pointedly cupping my ears and ignoring his presence.

"Horse?"

I sigh. The director stares at me blankly in confusion, not getting the joke at all.

"I'm talking about Kirschtein over here and his annoying horse face!" I gesture in the direction of Jean, exasperated.

Jean turns to me and takes an offensive stance, as if he means to appear like he's towering over me with all of the 7.5 centimeters between our heights.

"My face is not in one bit equine in nature, you stupid masochistic freak! You wanna die??"

This. freaking. kid.

"Hah?! Come at me, you idiot!" I retort, raising my voice.

I face the light-haired douchebag and feel pure anger course through me.

"You couldn't take me if you tried, shrimp." The jerk gets in my face and smiles smugly.

"I'm literally only 7.5 _centimeters_ shorter than you!" I yell. I can't help myself from getting all riled up like this.

"....God, just get a room already," the director inputs.

"Wh-wha-there's no way in hell I'd...I-If we're done for the day, I'm leaving!!!" I announce.

The director smirks at Jean and mouths words that seem like 'he's cute, isn't he?' and Jean makes a face back at Levi. He looks annoyed. Well, _sorry_ that I'm not cute to you.

. . .

"Glasses really suit you, you know," he says.

"How do you go from 'different' to 'it kinda suits me' to 'it really suits me'?" I question. Honestly, it's been a day and his opinion of it has changed so much already.

Jean shrugs.

"Because the more I thought about it, the more fitting it seemed, I guess."

"I still don't see how I'm quirky."

"You're pretty odd. You might not be smart, but you're definitely a geek."

"I am smart! I just suck at math. And I'm not a geek." I'd say my strong suit is language arts, like literature reading and writing and poetry and stuff, but that's a mouthful and there's no reason for me to be more open with Jean.

"Then you're quirky. Like the glasses. And that's why they suit you," he tells me.

I scoff and go back to the kitchen, opening the fridge and getting out a mini tub of ice cream. I grab a spoon, placing the handle of it in my mouth momentarily while I take the cap off the ice cream.

"There! That's a quirk!"

Jean points at me almost excitedly.

"That spoon thing! It's a quirk."

I take the spoon out of my mouth, and start scooping out ice cream, eating it self-consciously.

"Please don't examine me like some kind of foreign species." I ask, looking away from him. I sit at the table and focus on my dessert, feeling awkward. I can feel his eyes on me and it's making me uncomfortable.

"I know I'm like, the sexiest man on earth, but uh, no need to stare so intensely."

I hope I'm hiding my embarrassment well.

Jean suddenly bursts into laughter and I feel my face heat with humiliation. Of course he's not going agree, but I do have a thing called pride and he just stomped his hooves all over it.

"You're far from a 'man', Eren! Maybe the term 'guy' or 'boy' is what you were looking for...!" He continues to laugh.

"Sh-shut up, you horseface! You haven't seen my body, I'm definitely a man!"

"Yeah? Whatever you say, shortie."

I grumble to myself, upset that he's enjoying himself so much at my expense.

I stand up and shove the ice cream back in the freezer, heading into my room to change, grab my glasses, and a book. After yanking off my shirt, pants, and redressing myself, I walk over to the living room and plop myself down on the couch, flipping to the most recent page I'd read.

. . .

"Hey."

I jump a bit, not realizing I'd fallen asleep until the rude awakening. I get up and fix my glasses, making my way to my bedroom. Jean gets in front of me, blocking the way.

"What is it?" I ask, probably sounding more tired than interested.

"Gimme your phone for a sec."

I'm too tired to think, and hand him the device. He gives me his, unlocked, and I stare at it, confused.

"Put your number in, idiot," he says.

I type in the numbers lazily then stare at the teen in front of me. I guess he does look different when I have my glasses on. His hair is this unusual honey brown or caramel blondish color, but his undercut is much darker. His jawline is angular, and his face is long (like a horse). My breathing slows, as I watch his long dark eyelashes flutter, looking kinda golden in the light. His eyes are focused on my screen, and I realize his eyes are a really strange color. Yellowish, like an amber or topaz, almost glowing.

"...You look pretty."

Jean glances up at me, studying my face as though searching for something, his eyes questioning.

"What?" He asks.

I remember my surroundings and realize what I've just said, feeling heat rush to my face immediately.

"I said you look shitty!!! Goodnight, Jean!"

My mind is racing, trying to comprehend what the _fuck_ just came out of my mouth. I grab my phone from him, and shove his into his chest before storming off to my room and slamming the door behind me.

I take my spectacles off, furiously blushing and furious that my heart is racing and that my cheeks are flaming and I'm just furiously embarrassed, taking off my spectacles and throwing them onto my mattress.

"I'm never wearing these stupid things again!" I yell, angriest at myself more than anything.

Stupid horseface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated this! I...completely forgot...for like years... Anyway, I'm starting this up again. Thanks for sticking with me!

**Author's Note:**

> *not that all straight girls can't write gay fics, it's just that too many enforce certain steryotypes or make a "woman" and "man" in the relationship when uh...it's "gay", they're either both men or women and gender roles are a fucking scam anyway. imo cishets should not write about the "struggles" of being lgbt when...they're not lgbt. gays should get the glory for gay literature. *mic drop*
> 
> P.S. yes i do listen to BTS


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